OLD PROBLEMS
Money
Drinking, Drugs, Gambling (Out of Control)
Violence/Anger
Sex Used Women to get what I want
BIG THOUGHT: Friends I used to have were bonded together through the old problems. Money, most people I knew because I met them through work and common goal was to make more money and get more stuff. School friends were through being angry at the system and a common love of drugs, alcohol and women. Women I went with were there because I was getting ahead with money, strong personality and sex. Bottom line, relationships worked as long as I was getting what I wanted and they thought or hoped they were or would get what they wanted.
What I want out of life now:
Happy. I want to enjoy my life. I want to see the beauty, listen to good music, dance when it's too good to sit still, taste good food and make some good positive friends where we bond together not out of greed or lust or being angry at the same thing. I want a positive life where I appreciate the good stuff.
self-controlled, disciplined and responsible. I want to get past thinking of only myself.
Peace. I want to be happy with what I got and not be greedy.
Ambitious. I still want to go after new experiences and do new things but I want to do them for better reasons than just me.
What's God want me to do?
Love God
Love my neighbor.
God doesn't ask anything he didn't do himself.
forgive = forgive
give = give
Love = Love
Keep going back to the image of Jesus on the shore with breakfast for the guys in the boat who went out all night and didn't catch anything until they saw Jesus. Serious, burning coals with fish and bread telling them to come have some breakfast! I want to be like that.
So goal here is to keep reading the bible and make sure all my wants are based on what I find in there. I really am taking this seriously and want to change not just the outward behavior, but the CORE of my problems which is in my head and my heart. I can feel and sometimes see it changing.
Like right now, I did put a bunch of stuff in the computer to sell today but I would rather take a break from that and sit down to work on this. In the past, it was just money, money, money. Now I'm trying to make sure I take some time to do the things that don't pay but can make me a better person. It helps that I've been extremely well taken care of this month and have already sold enough stuff to pay the bills next month and that tax bill I've been putting off. Thank you Jesus. I pray everyday for help with my little business and Jesus provides for me. I'm not getting rich but I am getting by and I finally have a sense of peace in my life. When I just chased money I never had peace because there is always more stuff, someone selling more and it just never ends.
Now I live a simple life and life is good.
Also just amazed to really consider the fact that the problems I've had are all right there in the Bible. 2000 years and people are still having the same problems. All based on the same self-centered mind set. There really is a duality out there battling and it's holding us back. 2000 years and we can't solve some of these basic problems? I'm trying to solve some in me first then hopefully I can pass it along.
46 days of no alcohol, no drugs and no gambling replaced with 46 days of really reading the Bible and trying to figure things out and I do feel more at peace with my life. That's gotta be a start!
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