Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin. As a result, he does not live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God. For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do - living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry. - NIV
New Years Eve 2011. 25 Days No Drinking, No Weed & No Gambling. I will NOT break!
The Bible really is amazing if you are trying to break addiction. This book even the New Testament is almost two thousand years old and it deals with the same base issues we struggle with today. For me, drinking, gambling and drugs. Extending to women, bad relationships, poor choices, unhealthy choices and a failed life.
Today instead of writing on a piece of paper I can sit and type on my computer and throw my words out there onto the Internet. My own public/private space. Invisible but with potential.
New Years Eve. I will NOT break! I looked online for a "christian" thing to do tonight and in Denver I only found a couple things. A skateboard outreach...too old for that and something at an art gallery....too cheap for that, they want $40 at the door. Yesterday I emptied out my fridge of the beer and whiskey that had been sitting in there. They weren't a temptation up until yesterday when I started thinking about tonight and made the decision it was time for them to go. I still have a bong sitting up on a shelf in my closet, but for some reason I'm not ready to let go of that yet. I don't use it any more, but it was kind of a treat when I bought it. A present to myself since my little business was starting to make some money. I won't use it and I will get rid of it, but for some reason I'm not ready to let go yet.
This verse in 1 Peter is awesome. Last night I came home after the meeting and felt better than I had all day even though I was itching for fun. Because it is fun to drink at a bar, go play poker or even sit around watching a movie and smoking a bowl. I waver between feeling antsy and sleepy. What a line! "For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do..." It's true. I have.
There is a certain romantic quality about Pagans, Bikers, Pirates, Punks and other outcasts that has always attracted me. I am anti-authoritarian and have always been. Reading the Bible and Praying are really the first things I have done that are submissive. But this book really does talk to you if you read it. Seriously, just yesterday and this morning here I am sitting in the middle of America on New Years Eve struggling with myself and finding encouragement and the right words to get me through the night from this old Book.
I do have to do some work and the sky is clearing up so I can get out and ride, but I will finish with:
I will NOT break. I "have spent enough time doing what pagans choose to do"..
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Friday, December 30, 2011
24 Days No Alcohol, No Gambling and No Weed. To be Honest, Missing it a bit.
New Years Eve Weekend! Was in Vegas for the 1999 to 2000 party. Was married in Vegas in 2003. Used to go to Vegas every quarter after making quota and getting a bonus check. Was in Vegas less than a month ago for one last bender. I have not broken and I will not break. I am even going to put down the nicotine for New Years and pretty sure things will change dramatically. Last crutch going in the trash can. Except of course for the brownies and ice cream I just bought.
24 days of sobriety.
1 John 3:23-24
And this is his command:
to believe in the name of his son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us.
Those who obey his commands live in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us. - NIV
I believe in Jesus Christ! I believe because I am lucky and he shows me that he takes care of me no matter how stupid and self destructive I am.
I believe in Jesus Christ because I feel him and the Spirit when I pray, study the Bible and just think about him during the day.
I really am trying to obey his commandments. I am trying to become a better person. I am trying to be good to people around me. I am trying not to get angry towards people who piss me off. I am trying to go out and find some new relationships.
I fall really short. I am stubborn, but I am trying. I have not broken on being sober. I do fail when it comes to relationships, but I am trying there.
1 John 3:18 Dear Children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. -NIV
My actions so far are simple: be sober and don't gamble. Read the Bible. Pray.
I read earlier today or last night about these guys in a boat on stormy waters. Jesus walked out to them on the water and one guy got out of the boat and starting walking on the water to Jesus. The tides got high and he panicked and called out to Jesus who reached out and saved him. Sorry don't remember the verse.
I want to be like that guy. He got out of the boat and started walking on water! Sure he failed and Jesus had to reach out and help him, but he got out of the boat and walked on water!
Joseph is another guy I want to get like. Here he had a new wife who was pregnant before he was with her.
Mathew 1:24-25 When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. But he had no union with her until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus. -NIV
What a nice guy. To believe in God so much that he could accept that his wife became pregnant with Jesus. Jealousy and anger with women is such a huge struggle when your young. I can't imaging having a pregnant wife who I hadn't been with. It would drive me crazy. Even before that it says that he was going to quietly divorce her. Joseph didn't get angry and want revenge. He just did what we are suppose to do. He did what the Lord commanded.
I want to have faith and do great things. I want to take the steps I need to. I want to be a nice guy and love. Reading the Bible and applying it is the answer. Having loving relationships with the right people is the answer. Not demanding my own way all the time and doing what I am told is the answer.
The meeting tonight was great! Good people. Thank you Jesus.
24 days of sobriety.
1 John 3:23-24
And this is his command:
to believe in the name of his son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us.
Those who obey his commands live in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us. - NIV
I believe in Jesus Christ! I believe because I am lucky and he shows me that he takes care of me no matter how stupid and self destructive I am.
I believe in Jesus Christ because I feel him and the Spirit when I pray, study the Bible and just think about him during the day.
I really am trying to obey his commandments. I am trying to become a better person. I am trying to be good to people around me. I am trying not to get angry towards people who piss me off. I am trying to go out and find some new relationships.
I fall really short. I am stubborn, but I am trying. I have not broken on being sober. I do fail when it comes to relationships, but I am trying there.
1 John 3:18 Dear Children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. -NIV
My actions so far are simple: be sober and don't gamble. Read the Bible. Pray.
I read earlier today or last night about these guys in a boat on stormy waters. Jesus walked out to them on the water and one guy got out of the boat and starting walking on the water to Jesus. The tides got high and he panicked and called out to Jesus who reached out and saved him. Sorry don't remember the verse.
I want to be like that guy. He got out of the boat and started walking on water! Sure he failed and Jesus had to reach out and help him, but he got out of the boat and walked on water!
Joseph is another guy I want to get like. Here he had a new wife who was pregnant before he was with her.
Mathew 1:24-25 When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. But he had no union with her until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus. -NIV
What a nice guy. To believe in God so much that he could accept that his wife became pregnant with Jesus. Jealousy and anger with women is such a huge struggle when your young. I can't imaging having a pregnant wife who I hadn't been with. It would drive me crazy. Even before that it says that he was going to quietly divorce her. Joseph didn't get angry and want revenge. He just did what we are suppose to do. He did what the Lord commanded.
I want to have faith and do great things. I want to take the steps I need to. I want to be a nice guy and love. Reading the Bible and applying it is the answer. Having loving relationships with the right people is the answer. Not demanding my own way all the time and doing what I am told is the answer.
The meeting tonight was great! Good people. Thank you Jesus.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
The Parable of the Two Sons Mathew 21:28--32
"What do you think? There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, 'Son, go and work today in the vineyard.' 'I will not,' he answered, but later he changed his mind and went. The the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, 'I will sire,' but he did not go.
Which of the two did what his father wanted?
'The first,' they answered. Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you. For John came to you to show you the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the prostitutes did. And even after you saw this, you did not repent and believe him." - NIV
21 Days No Alcohol, No Weed & No Gambling
New game plan. I am waking up at 7am making coffee and reading the Bible. Today is the first day. I am doing this because the guys at church told me that you should start your day thinking about God.
Today's plan was to read about work. I checked the concordance and this is the verse I was lead to. This really was confusing to me. At first I read it and had no clue. Is Jesus telling these guys there answer is wrong? Is it referring to the Father's perception? What does this mean?
So, I had to do a search online and read what other people had to say about it. Lots of information online if you just do a Google search. I looked up the Parable of the two sons and the answers were consistent.
Jesus was talking to the religious leaders. Jesus is comparing the first son who refuses but later repents and does the work to the tax collectors and prostitutes and the religious leaders to the second son who says the right thing but doesn't do the work.
Now it makes more sense. If God is like the Father in the story he can deal with us saying no, but then repenting and doing what we are suppose to do. What he doesn't want is for us to just say what we think he wants to hear and then blow it off. That is what Jesus is saying the religious teachers were doing because they did not listen to John. Not sure if this is John the disciple or John the baptist. According to http://www.biblestudytools.com/ this is John the Baptist.
Now how am I going to apply this to getting through today? I am simply going to do what I am suppose to do. I am going to go out and work. I am going to keep in mind the three loves 1) Love God 2) Love my neighbor and 3) Love each other.
I am trying. I did what I set my mind to. I set the alarm and got up to read the Bible. Yes I sat down and when I fired up the computer the first thing I did was check sales from last night. Habit. Going to have to try to change my focus from work success to being fully engaged right from the start, but did keep the focus one I started reading.
I have a lot of shipping to do today after the post office being closed for two days. But will keep God in my mind and make time to go out and look for new things to sell online. I trust that if I keep doing the right thing that God will continue to take care of me.
Which of the two did what his father wanted?
'The first,' they answered. Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you. For John came to you to show you the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the prostitutes did. And even after you saw this, you did not repent and believe him." - NIV
21 Days No Alcohol, No Weed & No Gambling
New game plan. I am waking up at 7am making coffee and reading the Bible. Today is the first day. I am doing this because the guys at church told me that you should start your day thinking about God.
Today's plan was to read about work. I checked the concordance and this is the verse I was lead to. This really was confusing to me. At first I read it and had no clue. Is Jesus telling these guys there answer is wrong? Is it referring to the Father's perception? What does this mean?
So, I had to do a search online and read what other people had to say about it. Lots of information online if you just do a Google search. I looked up the Parable of the two sons and the answers were consistent.
Jesus was talking to the religious leaders. Jesus is comparing the first son who refuses but later repents and does the work to the tax collectors and prostitutes and the religious leaders to the second son who says the right thing but doesn't do the work.
Now it makes more sense. If God is like the Father in the story he can deal with us saying no, but then repenting and doing what we are suppose to do. What he doesn't want is for us to just say what we think he wants to hear and then blow it off. That is what Jesus is saying the religious teachers were doing because they did not listen to John. Not sure if this is John the disciple or John the baptist. According to http://www.biblestudytools.com/ this is John the Baptist.
Now how am I going to apply this to getting through today? I am simply going to do what I am suppose to do. I am going to go out and work. I am going to keep in mind the three loves 1) Love God 2) Love my neighbor and 3) Love each other.
I am trying. I did what I set my mind to. I set the alarm and got up to read the Bible. Yes I sat down and when I fired up the computer the first thing I did was check sales from last night. Habit. Going to have to try to change my focus from work success to being fully engaged right from the start, but did keep the focus one I started reading.
I have a lot of shipping to do today after the post office being closed for two days. But will keep God in my mind and make time to go out and look for new things to sell online. I trust that if I keep doing the right thing that God will continue to take care of me.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Be a Light to the World
20 Days No Alcohol, No Weed & No Gambling
Mathew 5:14-16 "You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. -NIV
I had a flash at the meeting tonight. Reading the Bible works. Sitting in a circle listening to other people who are doing the work to stay clean it hit me. These guys are reading the Bible and are staying sober. It really does work.
I feel advantaged because even before I started this I had pretty well isolated myself. I think that makes it easier. I am comfortable spending time alone. Yes I get bored sometimes that is when the weed came in. There were times when I would reward myself for successful work by going up the mountain and playing poker and drinking or just going down the street for the bar tab poker game. I still get those urges especially to get high, but instead I crack open the Bible or another book about the Bible and I get caught up in the study. I control my compulsive behavior or at least redirect it.
The guys in the group talk about the Bible passages they read and what it does for them. It is working for them. It is working for me. In the past I would have thought that they were weak and looking for a crutch. Alcohol, Drugs and Gambling were weak. I was out of control. Yes it is fun. Then the fun ends and you wake up. I used all those things and my isolation to run away and hide from my bad behavior and bad relationships. Now I am working on building new relationships and trying to do the right thing. So are they. That isn't weakness. It isn't weakness to pray for help when you can't do it on your own. Pray to have a relationship with Jesus is the first thing I am suppose to do. I recognized that tonight in a better light because they guys were talking about what they were doing. They were a light to me. It helped.
In my business I am going to have to make an adjustment because one of my suppliers is now a competitor. So I need to find other things to sell online and another place to get them. So my plan is to start waking up at 7 am and do a Bible reading with some coffee before I start the day. The snow slowed me down and having fewer places to get stuff has slowed me down. Regardless, Jesus takes care of me and I've sold enough to pay my bills and hold my reserve. I have 30 days to make the adjustment, make money and pay next months bills. I know that I will be able to do it because I am going to pray about it every day. I am also going to pray for the guys in my group who stand out to me.
20 days and starting to know some names and faces. 20 days without breaking. 20 days trying to get to know God because I really do feel that he takes care of me.
Mathew 5:14-16 "You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. -NIV
I had a flash at the meeting tonight. Reading the Bible works. Sitting in a circle listening to other people who are doing the work to stay clean it hit me. These guys are reading the Bible and are staying sober. It really does work.
I feel advantaged because even before I started this I had pretty well isolated myself. I think that makes it easier. I am comfortable spending time alone. Yes I get bored sometimes that is when the weed came in. There were times when I would reward myself for successful work by going up the mountain and playing poker and drinking or just going down the street for the bar tab poker game. I still get those urges especially to get high, but instead I crack open the Bible or another book about the Bible and I get caught up in the study. I control my compulsive behavior or at least redirect it.
The guys in the group talk about the Bible passages they read and what it does for them. It is working for them. It is working for me. In the past I would have thought that they were weak and looking for a crutch. Alcohol, Drugs and Gambling were weak. I was out of control. Yes it is fun. Then the fun ends and you wake up. I used all those things and my isolation to run away and hide from my bad behavior and bad relationships. Now I am working on building new relationships and trying to do the right thing. So are they. That isn't weakness. It isn't weakness to pray for help when you can't do it on your own. Pray to have a relationship with Jesus is the first thing I am suppose to do. I recognized that tonight in a better light because they guys were talking about what they were doing. They were a light to me. It helped.
In my business I am going to have to make an adjustment because one of my suppliers is now a competitor. So I need to find other things to sell online and another place to get them. So my plan is to start waking up at 7 am and do a Bible reading with some coffee before I start the day. The snow slowed me down and having fewer places to get stuff has slowed me down. Regardless, Jesus takes care of me and I've sold enough to pay my bills and hold my reserve. I have 30 days to make the adjustment, make money and pay next months bills. I know that I will be able to do it because I am going to pray about it every day. I am also going to pray for the guys in my group who stand out to me.
20 days and starting to know some names and faces. 20 days without breaking. 20 days trying to get to know God because I really do feel that he takes care of me.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Joy! Revelations is a little scary.
Christmas Day. 19 Days No Alcohol, No Weed and No Gambling.
Reading Revelations created a little bit of what I'm going to call "healthy" fear. There are some mighty and violent times foretold in Revelations. It is a bit scary. So last night after reading Revelations I grabbed a pamphlet on salvation and looked up some passages on accepting Jesus. Today, Christmas, I wanted to look up a couple on Joy.
Luke 2:10-11 But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great JOY that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. - NIV
Gal 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, JOY, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. - NIV
Not really feeling tempted to smoke, drink or gamble today. Peaceful. Lazy. Not sure what to call it. Calm. Do want to be Joyful when I'm around other people. Talk to other people, even Christians and you can hear it in their voices that they just aren't that happy. Yes times are difficult. I do think I have a choice to be greeatful for the things I do have and not focus on what I don't have. I have a Scooter, so much better than walking. Fun to drive. Puts me outside without windows so I can see everything around me. I don't have a car. Well I can rent one sometimes and really get out to a lot of places and stock up on things to sell. Economically it makes sense. My Scooter is bought and paid for so no monthly payments. Insurance is paid for an entire year and is very inexpensive. It gets great gas mileage. It works. Sure I'm a bit of a dork, but I did find a Harley Davidson Ad for their Topper Scooter in 1962. So even Harley made scooters!
Joy.
Reading Revelations created a little bit of what I'm going to call "healthy" fear. There are some mighty and violent times foretold in Revelations. It is a bit scary. So last night after reading Revelations I grabbed a pamphlet on salvation and looked up some passages on accepting Jesus. Today, Christmas, I wanted to look up a couple on Joy.
Luke 2:10-11 But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great JOY that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. - NIV
Gal 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, JOY, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. - NIV
Not really feeling tempted to smoke, drink or gamble today. Peaceful. Lazy. Not sure what to call it. Calm. Do want to be Joyful when I'm around other people. Talk to other people, even Christians and you can hear it in their voices that they just aren't that happy. Yes times are difficult. I do think I have a choice to be greeatful for the things I do have and not focus on what I don't have. I have a Scooter, so much better than walking. Fun to drive. Puts me outside without windows so I can see everything around me. I don't have a car. Well I can rent one sometimes and really get out to a lot of places and stock up on things to sell. Economically it makes sense. My Scooter is bought and paid for so no monthly payments. Insurance is paid for an entire year and is very inexpensive. It gets great gas mileage. It works. Sure I'm a bit of a dork, but I did find a Harley Davidson Ad for their Topper Scooter in 1962. So even Harley made scooters!
Joy.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Revelation - Fear
18 Days No Alcohol, No Drugs and No Gambling
Wow! This is really turning into a study journal of the Bible more than an "I quit" journal. Yes I do get urges especially to get high, but then I start to study the Bible. The bordom goes away and so does the urge. Quitting nicotine is going to be hard because I always have a chew in. That will come soon enough. But for now, No Alcohol, No Drugs and No Gambling makes me happy.
Revelation 4 - 8 Not going to copy the entire text. Complex chapters. I actually broke out a piece of paper to write out the major items to try and get a better picture. So, I will quote 4:1 and then write down my outline.
Rev 4:1 After this I looked, and there before me was a door standing open in heaven. - NIV
Throne in Heaven
Scroll
Four Living Creatures
a. Lion
b. Ox
c. Man
d. Eagle
Twenty Four Elders
Seven Lamps
Lamb
Scroll with Seven Seals
1. White Horse - Rider with Bow - Conqueror
2. Red Horse - Sword - Take Away Peace
3. Black Horse - Scales - Days Wages Wheat Barley
4. Pale Horse - Death - Kill 1/4 of Earth
5. Souls of Slain
6. Earthquake - Sun Black, Moon Red, Stars Fall
a. 4 Angles
b. 1 more Angel from East to mark 144,000 on forehead
Rev 7:9 After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. - NIV
Rev 7:17 For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes. - NIV
7. Seventh Seal. Seven Angels. Seven Trumpets and one Angel who hurls fire on the earth.
1. Hail, Fire and Blood.
2. Sea Turns to Blood.
3. Rivers and Springs Bitter (Poison)
4. 1/3 Sun, 1/3 Moon and 1/3 of Stars turn dark.
5. Key to the Abyss releases locusts. Really cool description of Rev 9:1-11
6. 4 Angels released 200 million mounted troops to kill 1/3 mankind
a. Scroll eaten. Taste Sweet. Bitter in stomach.
b. 2 Witnesses 1.260 days and 3 1/2 days
7. God's Temple in Heaven Opened.
After Reading Revelation 4 to 8 I actually felt some fear. So I looked up how to be saved in this little pamphlet a guy at church gave me and read these passages:
John 3:36 Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will no see life, for God's wrath remains on him. - NIV
John 14:6 Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." - NIV
John 14:23 Jesus replied, "If anyone love me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make out home with him." - NIV
How do I apply this to my life? It's okay to have a little fear and take my spirituality seriously. There are consequences. Fear to keep humble. Fear to keep me working. Fear to keep me straight.
Fear will not overpower me because I have salvation through Jesus. I do believe in Jesus. I do feel a Spirit at times and see him helping me on a daily basis. I know I can't do this and have it work without Jesus. I have made more money and lost more money than most people. I know I could go out and make more money and loose more money again on my own. But I know that on my own I will go back to the same cycles. I will work hard, make money, get drunk, get women, get problems and loose it all. That is my pattern.
By asking Jesus to come into my life I have faith that I will be able to focus on the important things. Have a relationship with God and have relationships with others. Real relationships. Even today, Christmas Eve. I usually hide on Holidays but my daughter and granddaughter came over today and I really enjoyed my time with them. My granddaughter is two and it is such a fun age. She repeats everything you say. She loves to sing and dance. She ate like a little piggy the ham and eggs I cooked. My daughter opened up to me again and we got to hang out like we did when she was working for me. There was a short time when she just texted me for money and that made me mad. Today we talked like we used to. Just being together. I also called my mom and talked to her on the phone. I have a long history of keeping my distance from her. I am trying to step up with that relationship too.
Also at the meeting last night I hung out a bit after it was over and talked to a couple of the guys. Usually I'm the first one out. Trying.
A bit frustrated with the dude from the men's group. We were suppose to get on the phone and pray Thursday night. I did my part. I called, got his voice mail. Left a message. He hasn't called back. Feel kinda like a chick but I'm not going to let it turn into drama. Not sure what to do so I told Jesus that I'm just going to let it be and deal with it when the time is right. I don't want to make a big deal of it but I don't want to be weak either. I think it is important that when we commit to a brother to do something that we do it.
Some fear is okay. Having faith and feeling safe and asking Jesus into my life is better.
Wow! This is really turning into a study journal of the Bible more than an "I quit" journal. Yes I do get urges especially to get high, but then I start to study the Bible. The bordom goes away and so does the urge. Quitting nicotine is going to be hard because I always have a chew in. That will come soon enough. But for now, No Alcohol, No Drugs and No Gambling makes me happy.
Revelation 4 - 8 Not going to copy the entire text. Complex chapters. I actually broke out a piece of paper to write out the major items to try and get a better picture. So, I will quote 4:1 and then write down my outline.
Rev 4:1 After this I looked, and there before me was a door standing open in heaven. - NIV
Throne in Heaven
Scroll
Four Living Creatures
a. Lion
b. Ox
c. Man
d. Eagle
Twenty Four Elders
Seven Lamps
Lamb
Scroll with Seven Seals
1. White Horse - Rider with Bow - Conqueror
2. Red Horse - Sword - Take Away Peace
3. Black Horse - Scales - Days Wages Wheat Barley
4. Pale Horse - Death - Kill 1/4 of Earth
5. Souls of Slain
6. Earthquake - Sun Black, Moon Red, Stars Fall
a. 4 Angles
b. 1 more Angel from East to mark 144,000 on forehead
Rev 7:9 After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. - NIV
Rev 7:17 For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes. - NIV
7. Seventh Seal. Seven Angels. Seven Trumpets and one Angel who hurls fire on the earth.
1. Hail, Fire and Blood.
2. Sea Turns to Blood.
3. Rivers and Springs Bitter (Poison)
4. 1/3 Sun, 1/3 Moon and 1/3 of Stars turn dark.
5. Key to the Abyss releases locusts. Really cool description of Rev 9:1-11
6. 4 Angels released 200 million mounted troops to kill 1/3 mankind
a. Scroll eaten. Taste Sweet. Bitter in stomach.
b. 2 Witnesses 1.260 days and 3 1/2 days
7. God's Temple in Heaven Opened.
After Reading Revelation 4 to 8 I actually felt some fear. So I looked up how to be saved in this little pamphlet a guy at church gave me and read these passages:
John 3:36 Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will no see life, for God's wrath remains on him. - NIV
John 14:6 Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." - NIV
John 14:23 Jesus replied, "If anyone love me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make out home with him." - NIV
How do I apply this to my life? It's okay to have a little fear and take my spirituality seriously. There are consequences. Fear to keep humble. Fear to keep me working. Fear to keep me straight.
Fear will not overpower me because I have salvation through Jesus. I do believe in Jesus. I do feel a Spirit at times and see him helping me on a daily basis. I know I can't do this and have it work without Jesus. I have made more money and lost more money than most people. I know I could go out and make more money and loose more money again on my own. But I know that on my own I will go back to the same cycles. I will work hard, make money, get drunk, get women, get problems and loose it all. That is my pattern.
By asking Jesus to come into my life I have faith that I will be able to focus on the important things. Have a relationship with God and have relationships with others. Real relationships. Even today, Christmas Eve. I usually hide on Holidays but my daughter and granddaughter came over today and I really enjoyed my time with them. My granddaughter is two and it is such a fun age. She repeats everything you say. She loves to sing and dance. She ate like a little piggy the ham and eggs I cooked. My daughter opened up to me again and we got to hang out like we did when she was working for me. There was a short time when she just texted me for money and that made me mad. Today we talked like we used to. Just being together. I also called my mom and talked to her on the phone. I have a long history of keeping my distance from her. I am trying to step up with that relationship too.
Also at the meeting last night I hung out a bit after it was over and talked to a couple of the guys. Usually I'm the first one out. Trying.
A bit frustrated with the dude from the men's group. We were suppose to get on the phone and pray Thursday night. I did my part. I called, got his voice mail. Left a message. He hasn't called back. Feel kinda like a chick but I'm not going to let it turn into drama. Not sure what to do so I told Jesus that I'm just going to let it be and deal with it when the time is right. I don't want to make a big deal of it but I don't want to be weak either. I think it is important that when we commit to a brother to do something that we do it.
Some fear is okay. Having faith and feeling safe and asking Jesus into my life is better.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Wake Up! Repent. Overcome. Stand Out Words in Revelation
Revelation 1:3 Blessed is the one who reads the words of this prophecy, and blessed are those who hear it and take to heart what is written in it, because the time is near. - NIV
Basically a continuation of last night. Rereading Revelation. What stood out tonight was how often OVERCOME is used. To each of the Churches John writes, to him or he who OVERCOMES and there will be some kind of reward....
not be hurt by the second death 2:11,
I will give some of the hidden manna 2:17,
authority over the nations 2:26,
will acknowledge his name before my Father and his angels 3:5,
I will make a pillar in the temple of my God 3:11,
I will give the right to sit with me on the throne 3:21
To overcome, to me means that it isn't going to be easy. I must be diligent and disciplined. I am going to read the Bible every day and pray. I do want to enjoy the journey, and be happy. But I realize that there will be challenges and ever changing challenges. To me we always have a choice in how we react to the challenges. I don't want to let the challenge get me down, but recognize it as an opportunity to learn and grow.
Not Drinking, Smoking Weed or Gambling is a challenge. To be honest, sometimes I do think it would be more fun to go out and Drink, get High and Gamble. These are fun activities for me. I always enjoyed them. In and of themselves I can rationalize that I'm not going to hurt anyone by doing this if I'm responsible enough not to drive, get in a fight or borrow and loose someone Else's money. But they did take away time from my family, my wife, my kids. I became obsessed with gambling and it took focus off my business. There were consequences and I have to wake up and recognize that. Yes I could get high, watch a movie and be alone without hurting anyone. Then I wouldn't be reading the Bible and writing this down. I have to overcome my desire to relax and play. I have to overcome my desire to meet this lady for drinks, get drunk and get naked.
Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door I will come in and ear with him , and he with me. 3:19
Before I can overcome I have to start my relationship with God which is easy. I just have to ask. I just have to let him into my life. I am trying. Last night I prayed and I asked God to help me with my financial life. Something I am/was/felt in control of. I am trying to let go and trust that God will take care of me financially. I know I have to work at it, but I also know that if I do the right thing by putting relationships in first before my business that everything will be all right. That is difficult for me. I like to work. I like to make money. But I do Wake Up and realize that every time I've had money I've been stupid, made bad choices and blown it. I have had months when I was in real estate and finance that I made $30,000 in a single month. That's more than a lot of people make in a year. I made bad choices and I blew it.
Now I am literally praying that God will help me with my more modest business make money, survive and make better choices with how I manage my money and trust in him. Last night I said I was going to write a check today that I wasn't really ready to do and I did it because I am trusting in God that if I do the right thing, it will be all right. I am Waking Up to the fact that I was selfish before and I need to do the right thing. I even started filling out the paperwork for my quarterly tax payment for my daughter's employment with me last month that I'm really not ready for because it was a set back, but I still owe some taxes on it. So I'm getting ready to pay it. I will trust God to help me make the money to cover it.
Repent. I did do something for this today too. Just a small thing but trying. I wrote a letter to my first ex-wife telling he I know what I did that was hurtful to her and that I'm sorry. Seriously, just a short note. But an effort because I was a jerk to her when we were young. Now our daughter is 20 and our granddaughter is 2. I know she did what she thought was best for our daughter so I told her so. No more being a jerk to her. Only took 18 years.
Wake Up! Repent and Overcome. Simple words rich with meaning. Apply them to my life.
Basically a continuation of last night. Rereading Revelation. What stood out tonight was how often OVERCOME is used. To each of the Churches John writes, to him or he who OVERCOMES and there will be some kind of reward....
not be hurt by the second death 2:11,
I will give some of the hidden manna 2:17,
authority over the nations 2:26,
will acknowledge his name before my Father and his angels 3:5,
I will make a pillar in the temple of my God 3:11,
I will give the right to sit with me on the throne 3:21
To overcome, to me means that it isn't going to be easy. I must be diligent and disciplined. I am going to read the Bible every day and pray. I do want to enjoy the journey, and be happy. But I realize that there will be challenges and ever changing challenges. To me we always have a choice in how we react to the challenges. I don't want to let the challenge get me down, but recognize it as an opportunity to learn and grow.
Not Drinking, Smoking Weed or Gambling is a challenge. To be honest, sometimes I do think it would be more fun to go out and Drink, get High and Gamble. These are fun activities for me. I always enjoyed them. In and of themselves I can rationalize that I'm not going to hurt anyone by doing this if I'm responsible enough not to drive, get in a fight or borrow and loose someone Else's money. But they did take away time from my family, my wife, my kids. I became obsessed with gambling and it took focus off my business. There were consequences and I have to wake up and recognize that. Yes I could get high, watch a movie and be alone without hurting anyone. Then I wouldn't be reading the Bible and writing this down. I have to overcome my desire to relax and play. I have to overcome my desire to meet this lady for drinks, get drunk and get naked.
Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door I will come in and ear with him , and he with me. 3:19
Before I can overcome I have to start my relationship with God which is easy. I just have to ask. I just have to let him into my life. I am trying. Last night I prayed and I asked God to help me with my financial life. Something I am/was/felt in control of. I am trying to let go and trust that God will take care of me financially. I know I have to work at it, but I also know that if I do the right thing by putting relationships in first before my business that everything will be all right. That is difficult for me. I like to work. I like to make money. But I do Wake Up and realize that every time I've had money I've been stupid, made bad choices and blown it. I have had months when I was in real estate and finance that I made $30,000 in a single month. That's more than a lot of people make in a year. I made bad choices and I blew it.
Now I am literally praying that God will help me with my more modest business make money, survive and make better choices with how I manage my money and trust in him. Last night I said I was going to write a check today that I wasn't really ready to do and I did it because I am trusting in God that if I do the right thing, it will be all right. I am Waking Up to the fact that I was selfish before and I need to do the right thing. I even started filling out the paperwork for my quarterly tax payment for my daughter's employment with me last month that I'm really not ready for because it was a set back, but I still owe some taxes on it. So I'm getting ready to pay it. I will trust God to help me make the money to cover it.
Repent. I did do something for this today too. Just a small thing but trying. I wrote a letter to my first ex-wife telling he I know what I did that was hurtful to her and that I'm sorry. Seriously, just a short note. But an effort because I was a jerk to her when we were young. Now our daughter is 20 and our granddaughter is 2. I know she did what she thought was best for our daughter so I told her so. No more being a jerk to her. Only took 18 years.
Wake Up! Repent and Overcome. Simple words rich with meaning. Apply them to my life.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Reading Revelation
22 December - 16 Days No Alcohol, No Weed & No Gambling
This is the first time reading Revelation. I've underlined some things that stood out. The plan is to read, reread and study it.
Revelation 1: 3 Blessed is the one who reads the words of the propehecy, and blessed are those who hear it and take to heart what is written in it because the time is near. - NIV
Seems like a good start.
This is my take. John is writing this. He is filled with the Spirit and sees Jesus. Jesus tells him to write down what he sees and send it to the seven churches.
1. Ephesus. Rev 2: 4-5 Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! REPENT and do the things you did at first.
2. Smyrna. Rev 2: 10 ...BE FAITHFUL, even to the point of death, and I will give you the crown of life.
3. Pergamum. Rev 2:16 REPENT therefore!
4. Thyatira 2:25 Only HOLD ON to what you have until I come.
5. Sardis 3:1-2 I know your deeds; you have a reputation of being alive, but you are dead. WAKE UP!
6. Philadelphia 3:11 I am coming soon. HOLD ON to what you have, so that no one will take your crown.
7. Laodicea 3:19 Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and REPENT. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.
The instructions are clear; Be Faithful, Hold On, Repent and Wake Up!
How do I apply this to my life?
Start with the best one...Wake Up! Still amazed at my life and how deep I was in selfish behavior. I tried to justify playing poker as a second income but it took so much of my time. It was my obsession. I would work and get to a game. Late nights, Sundays, Saturdays. If I wasn't working I was playing poker. Even when I was home I would "practice" online. How much more effective I could have been at my work and family life if I would have put that energy into those activities instead of poker. But I was sucked into the hope of the fast cash. And I did win some tourneyments which made it even worse. Pay $100 walk off with $2,000. Reinforces the justification. Reality is that happens one out of 10 times and you could play 6 or 7 hours and still walk away with nothing. Still $14 an hour profit but then there are the bad streaks where you don't win 1 of 10, but more like 1 of 20 and you just break even. So you've wasted your time for nothing. I am just waking up to the fact that I put that first before everything.
Nothing goes better with a good poker game than drinking. It's easier to win fixed limit games while drinking than no limit games. But the urge was always there, but I did keep it under control with no limit games. Fixed Limit games I would get drunk, play and be loud and fun. At one point I played every day for 3 months over 12 hours a day drinking from start to finish. At that point I had walked away from my life and I really didn't care what happened. Stupid. Wake Up! I am trying to realize just how deep I was in it when it didn't seem so bad but it was. Wake Up!
Being faithful. I am trying. Praying on the phone. Starting new relationships. I made the call tonight, but just got voice mail. I could have let that give me an excuse for not studying but I was still energized because I did my part. I picked up the phone and made the call. Then I sat down and started reading. I made a small effort and was rewarded with energy. Tomorrow I will write the big monthly support check even thought I'm not where I would like to be financially for the month, but there are 8 more days in the month to make rent and I really do have faith that God provides for me. Today I got a lot of good things to sell online and I have 3 auctions on eBay scheduled to finish before the end of the month. Jesus provides for me. I will trust him, pray and ask for help.
Repent. I am sorry for the things I did and the people that got hurt along the way. I really am trying to change and to make better choices. I was in control and I blew it. Always trying to be in control without self-control. Wake Up! Now I ask Jesus for help.
Hold On. This one doesn't really fit me yet. I'm new. Seriously 16 days. This one I see as for those who have lived right and face challenges. Hold on. You have to have a faith and walk to hold onto that I don't have yet. But encouraging for them.. Hold on. The time is near.
Weed is my continuing struggle for some reason. I think it's because I can do it alone, out of sight and I do it when I'm bored. I really do think about justifications. Well weed is medicinal, sparks creativity, enhances experiences..... Inside I know it isn't the right thing to be doing, so I haven't broken down. I really thought gambling would have been the hardest because I really did love playing poker. Just a sidenote. Did have an interesting thought today?
If someone is more peaceful and loving on weed than when sober could it be a good thing? A guy a was talking to today stated, no because it is the weed that is being peaceful, not the real person. I tend to agree because there isn't the core change. The personality, the desire, the spirit of the person is under the influence of the drug. If I want to change I have to change at the core. What happens when the person runs out of weed? Back to being an ass?
This is the first time reading Revelation. I've underlined some things that stood out. The plan is to read, reread and study it.
Revelation 1: 3 Blessed is the one who reads the words of the propehecy, and blessed are those who hear it and take to heart what is written in it because the time is near. - NIV
Seems like a good start.
This is my take. John is writing this. He is filled with the Spirit and sees Jesus. Jesus tells him to write down what he sees and send it to the seven churches.
1. Ephesus. Rev 2: 4-5 Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! REPENT and do the things you did at first.
2. Smyrna. Rev 2: 10 ...BE FAITHFUL, even to the point of death, and I will give you the crown of life.
3. Pergamum. Rev 2:16 REPENT therefore!
4. Thyatira 2:25 Only HOLD ON to what you have until I come.
5. Sardis 3:1-2 I know your deeds; you have a reputation of being alive, but you are dead. WAKE UP!
6. Philadelphia 3:11 I am coming soon. HOLD ON to what you have, so that no one will take your crown.
7. Laodicea 3:19 Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and REPENT. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.
The instructions are clear; Be Faithful, Hold On, Repent and Wake Up!
How do I apply this to my life?
Start with the best one...Wake Up! Still amazed at my life and how deep I was in selfish behavior. I tried to justify playing poker as a second income but it took so much of my time. It was my obsession. I would work and get to a game. Late nights, Sundays, Saturdays. If I wasn't working I was playing poker. Even when I was home I would "practice" online. How much more effective I could have been at my work and family life if I would have put that energy into those activities instead of poker. But I was sucked into the hope of the fast cash. And I did win some tourneyments which made it even worse. Pay $100 walk off with $2,000. Reinforces the justification. Reality is that happens one out of 10 times and you could play 6 or 7 hours and still walk away with nothing. Still $14 an hour profit but then there are the bad streaks where you don't win 1 of 10, but more like 1 of 20 and you just break even. So you've wasted your time for nothing. I am just waking up to the fact that I put that first before everything.
Nothing goes better with a good poker game than drinking. It's easier to win fixed limit games while drinking than no limit games. But the urge was always there, but I did keep it under control with no limit games. Fixed Limit games I would get drunk, play and be loud and fun. At one point I played every day for 3 months over 12 hours a day drinking from start to finish. At that point I had walked away from my life and I really didn't care what happened. Stupid. Wake Up! I am trying to realize just how deep I was in it when it didn't seem so bad but it was. Wake Up!
Being faithful. I am trying. Praying on the phone. Starting new relationships. I made the call tonight, but just got voice mail. I could have let that give me an excuse for not studying but I was still energized because I did my part. I picked up the phone and made the call. Then I sat down and started reading. I made a small effort and was rewarded with energy. Tomorrow I will write the big monthly support check even thought I'm not where I would like to be financially for the month, but there are 8 more days in the month to make rent and I really do have faith that God provides for me. Today I got a lot of good things to sell online and I have 3 auctions on eBay scheduled to finish before the end of the month. Jesus provides for me. I will trust him, pray and ask for help.
Repent. I am sorry for the things I did and the people that got hurt along the way. I really am trying to change and to make better choices. I was in control and I blew it. Always trying to be in control without self-control. Wake Up! Now I ask Jesus for help.
Hold On. This one doesn't really fit me yet. I'm new. Seriously 16 days. This one I see as for those who have lived right and face challenges. Hold on. You have to have a faith and walk to hold onto that I don't have yet. But encouraging for them.. Hold on. The time is near.
Weed is my continuing struggle for some reason. I think it's because I can do it alone, out of sight and I do it when I'm bored. I really do think about justifications. Well weed is medicinal, sparks creativity, enhances experiences..... Inside I know it isn't the right thing to be doing, so I haven't broken down. I really thought gambling would have been the hardest because I really did love playing poker. Just a sidenote. Did have an interesting thought today?
If someone is more peaceful and loving on weed than when sober could it be a good thing? A guy a was talking to today stated, no because it is the weed that is being peaceful, not the real person. I tend to agree because there isn't the core change. The personality, the desire, the spirit of the person is under the influence of the drug. If I want to change I have to change at the core. What happens when the person runs out of weed? Back to being an ass?
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Book List for my Bible Study and Reading
1. Pocket Thin New Testement with Psalms and Proverbs
New International Version Zondervan Publishing House ISBN: 0310-90213-4
2. The Promise Bible
New Living Translation Tyndale House Publishers ISBN: 08423-5437-9
3. The Inspirational Study Bible, Max Lucado General Editor
New King James Version Word Bibles ISBN: 08499-5123-2
4. Strong's Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible, James Strong
Hendrickson Publishers ISBN: 1-56563-777-1
5. The Charles E. Stanley Life Principles Daily Bible
Thomas Nelson ISBN: 9780718924345
6. The Relationship Principles of Jesus, Tom Holladay
Zondervan ISBN: 978-0-310-28367-6
7. Rick Warren's Bible Study Methods
Zondervan ISBN: 0-310-27300-5
8. Serendipity Bible for Groups
Serendipity House ISBN: 1-5749-4044-9
9. NIV Study Bible
Zondervan ISBN: 0-310-92957-1
New International Version Zondervan Publishing House ISBN: 0310-90213-4
2. The Promise Bible
New Living Translation Tyndale House Publishers ISBN: 08423-5437-9
3. The Inspirational Study Bible, Max Lucado General Editor
New King James Version Word Bibles ISBN: 08499-5123-2
4. Strong's Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible, James Strong
Hendrickson Publishers ISBN: 1-56563-777-1
5. The Charles E. Stanley Life Principles Daily Bible
Thomas Nelson ISBN: 9780718924345
6. The Relationship Principles of Jesus, Tom Holladay
Zondervan ISBN: 978-0-310-28367-6
7. Rick Warren's Bible Study Methods
Zondervan ISBN: 0-310-27300-5
8. Serendipity Bible for Groups
Serendipity House ISBN: 1-5749-4044-9
9. NIV Study Bible
Zondervan ISBN: 0-310-92957-1
Energy and Encouragement: Prayer
21 December 15 Days No Alcohol, No Drugs & No Gambling
Psalm 102:17
He will respond to the prayer of the destitute; he will not despise their plea. - NIV
1 Timothy 2:8
I want men everywhere to lift up holy hands in prayer, without anger or disputing. - NIV
So wherever you assemble, I want men to pray with holy hands lifted up to God, free from anger and controversy. - NLT
I desire therefore that the men pray everywhere, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting - NKJV
Phone Prayer with Brother D tonight. Awesome. Seriously who would think that just by spending 30 minutes on the phone talking to another guy would create energy. We just share what is going on talk about our past a bit and pray together. It is great to hear someone else striving to make good choices and trying to do the right thing day to day. This call gave me energy.
I was going to blow this off tonight. Stuck to the TV. Now that I'm off the phone I have more energy and focus.
1 Timothy 2:8
Now I am not a Bible Scholar. I just look up the different versions of the passage and see which one speaks to me the most. Of the three, NIV, NLT and NKJV the NKJV stands out. "Men Pray Everywhere." Like tonight two guys on the phone praying. We don't just jump into it. We do talk for a bit about everyday things and our thoughts about the Bible study and our struggles and how we work to overcome. So by the time we start praying I am in the right mind set and without distractions.
What a great statement about having a relationship with God. He doesn't care where we are. I do walk around my apartment at times just looking up talking to God, or when I'm off walking somewhere. This is part of the draw I have towards Jesus. He wants the Relationship. It isn't just religion and posturing, but a Relationship. That's the message I'm getting from the Bible and the books I'm reading about the Bible. (I am going to post a better list of books I'm reading tonight. First one was weak.)
Jesus just wants us to have a relationship with him. I love that. We don't have to pray to a bunch of Saints with prescribed words. We don't have to pray at specific times of the day facing the right way. We don't have to do anything but reach out and talk to God. I usually have a huge problem with authority, but with Jesus I feel like as long as there is that relationship there that I can control my need for control and admit that I don't have all the right answers. I am independent, but with Jesus it makes me feel good that I can reach out and look for guideance.
I can talk to my brothers and pray with my brothers and try to walk the line together. This discipline I can accept. Maybe because I have a choice in the matter. I really don't have to do this. I can go back to my old ways, but I don't want to. I know if I go get a sales job or get back into real estate that I can make more money, but I think about the times I had more money all I did was blow it on the things that put my focus only on me and I ruined my relationships. I really am trying to change at the core. My way of thinking. Praying and having a relationship with God and with brothers is giving me new things to think about. Here I am reading and writing about prayer after being on the phone with a guy I met Monday night.
Message is simple:
Have a Relationship with God. Have a Relationship with Others.
Psalm 102:17
He will respond to the prayer of the destitute; he will not despise their plea. - NIV
1 Timothy 2:8
I want men everywhere to lift up holy hands in prayer, without anger or disputing. - NIV
So wherever you assemble, I want men to pray with holy hands lifted up to God, free from anger and controversy. - NLT
I desire therefore that the men pray everywhere, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting - NKJV
Phone Prayer with Brother D tonight. Awesome. Seriously who would think that just by spending 30 minutes on the phone talking to another guy would create energy. We just share what is going on talk about our past a bit and pray together. It is great to hear someone else striving to make good choices and trying to do the right thing day to day. This call gave me energy.
I was going to blow this off tonight. Stuck to the TV. Now that I'm off the phone I have more energy and focus.
1 Timothy 2:8
Now I am not a Bible Scholar. I just look up the different versions of the passage and see which one speaks to me the most. Of the three, NIV, NLT and NKJV the NKJV stands out. "Men Pray Everywhere." Like tonight two guys on the phone praying. We don't just jump into it. We do talk for a bit about everyday things and our thoughts about the Bible study and our struggles and how we work to overcome. So by the time we start praying I am in the right mind set and without distractions.
What a great statement about having a relationship with God. He doesn't care where we are. I do walk around my apartment at times just looking up talking to God, or when I'm off walking somewhere. This is part of the draw I have towards Jesus. He wants the Relationship. It isn't just religion and posturing, but a Relationship. That's the message I'm getting from the Bible and the books I'm reading about the Bible. (I am going to post a better list of books I'm reading tonight. First one was weak.)
Jesus just wants us to have a relationship with him. I love that. We don't have to pray to a bunch of Saints with prescribed words. We don't have to pray at specific times of the day facing the right way. We don't have to do anything but reach out and talk to God. I usually have a huge problem with authority, but with Jesus I feel like as long as there is that relationship there that I can control my need for control and admit that I don't have all the right answers. I am independent, but with Jesus it makes me feel good that I can reach out and look for guideance.
I can talk to my brothers and pray with my brothers and try to walk the line together. This discipline I can accept. Maybe because I have a choice in the matter. I really don't have to do this. I can go back to my old ways, but I don't want to. I know if I go get a sales job or get back into real estate that I can make more money, but I think about the times I had more money all I did was blow it on the things that put my focus only on me and I ruined my relationships. I really am trying to change at the core. My way of thinking. Praying and having a relationship with God and with brothers is giving me new things to think about. Here I am reading and writing about prayer after being on the phone with a guy I met Monday night.
Message is simple:
Have a Relationship with God. Have a Relationship with Others.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Brotherly Relationships Begin
20 December - 14 Days No Alcohol, No Drugs & No Gambling
Amos 1:9 This is what the Lord says: "The people of Tyre have sinned again and again, and I will not forget it. I will not let them go unpunished any longer! They broke their treaty of BROTHERHOOD with Israel, selling whole villages as slaves to Edom. So I will send down fire on the walls of Tyre, and all its fortresses will be destroyed." - NLT
Romans 12: 10 Be devoted to one another in BROTHERLY love. Honor one another above yourselves. - NIV
1 Thessalonians 4: 9-10 Now about BROTHERLY love we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other. And in fact, you do love all the BROTHERS throughout Macedonia. Yet we urge you, BROTHERS, to do so more and more. - NIV
Hebrews 13:1 Keep on loving each other as brothers. - NIV
2 Peter 1:7 and to godliness, BROTHERLY kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. - NIV
Today was an easy day! First Day without any real strong urges. Some slight, but no desire to get high.
Last night was important. First, I did what I thought I should do by walking to church since the snow took me off the Scooter. Such a geek. Pride hurts a bit. Second, Jesus offered a new situation where I could choose to grow.
Just want to state that I do respect the privacy of the people I encounter on this path. I am going to write about experiences with people not using their names and not disclosing their side or their details. Like with Meetings, what is said there stays there. Not in a bad way like with "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" but with respect to privacy of good people trying to grow. I will write about my side of the experience. I think that is a respectful way to proceed.
The addiction meeting was cancelled and I was lucky to be invited into a men's study group. At the end we paired off to pray. D and I prayed and he gave me a ride home. Very cool. Today I called D in the morning to thank him and let him know I was open to our assignment of praying together on the phone and would call him tomorrow night.
Tonight D called. I have been isolated for a long time. Occasionally I will talk to my mom or kid on the phone or text with my ex. Other than that I don't talk on the phone. My business is online so when it comes up I exchange emails with customers.
I happened to be eating pizza, watching some tv and getting ready to pack orders for shipping tomorrow. At first I hit mute on the TV. After a few minutes I turned it off. I really did try to remember my priorities. Relationship with God, then relationships with others. We ended up talking and then praying for over 30 minutes. I know people do that all the time, but I don't. God is giving me an opportunity to change. I am trying to take it.
That's why I looked up Brotherly in my concordance for these passages. I want to see what the Bible says about Brotherly relationships.
The one that catches my eye the most is the last. 2 Peter 1:7 and to godliness, BROTHERLY kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. - NIV Brotherly kindness is just under love and past self-control. Brotherly kindness is something that I need to develop. It is important.
The other one is Amos. Not acting with brotherly kindness is bad. These people of Tyre really got God angry with their treatment of Israel. That is an extreme, but I think is important to remember. Don't do the wrong thing. Obvious if your trying to be good, but need to remember it. When someone cuts me off or drives to fast when I'm walking or cruising on the Scooter I think about kicking their car. Or after I read Hunter Thompson's book Hell's Angels though about chaining a car whose driver was being stupid. On the cell phone and cutting me off. So, I am trying to even catch my thoughts.
Reading more of The Relationship Principles of Jesus and it gets into changing how we think. Change at the core! So for addiction it isn't just in not doing the behavior. For me giving up Alcohol, Weed and Gambling. Core change involves how I think. Hard. Socially before I withdrew my activities were: meet for drinks, go to casino to play poker, come over and lets get high. Even after I withdrew the times I would emerge would be to go play poker, get drunk or get high.
Brotherly relationships should help build healthier thinking. For me it will start by keeping my word. If I say I'm going to call or do something I will do it. I will think outside of myself. I will pray for my new Brothers.
Thank you Jesus for providing me with the tools I need to survive and opportunities to do the right thing.
Amos 1:9 This is what the Lord says: "The people of Tyre have sinned again and again, and I will not forget it. I will not let them go unpunished any longer! They broke their treaty of BROTHERHOOD with Israel, selling whole villages as slaves to Edom. So I will send down fire on the walls of Tyre, and all its fortresses will be destroyed." - NLT
Romans 12: 10 Be devoted to one another in BROTHERLY love. Honor one another above yourselves. - NIV
1 Thessalonians 4: 9-10 Now about BROTHERLY love we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other. And in fact, you do love all the BROTHERS throughout Macedonia. Yet we urge you, BROTHERS, to do so more and more. - NIV
Hebrews 13:1 Keep on loving each other as brothers. - NIV
2 Peter 1:7 and to godliness, BROTHERLY kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. - NIV
Today was an easy day! First Day without any real strong urges. Some slight, but no desire to get high.
Last night was important. First, I did what I thought I should do by walking to church since the snow took me off the Scooter. Such a geek. Pride hurts a bit. Second, Jesus offered a new situation where I could choose to grow.
Just want to state that I do respect the privacy of the people I encounter on this path. I am going to write about experiences with people not using their names and not disclosing their side or their details. Like with Meetings, what is said there stays there. Not in a bad way like with "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" but with respect to privacy of good people trying to grow. I will write about my side of the experience. I think that is a respectful way to proceed.
The addiction meeting was cancelled and I was lucky to be invited into a men's study group. At the end we paired off to pray. D and I prayed and he gave me a ride home. Very cool. Today I called D in the morning to thank him and let him know I was open to our assignment of praying together on the phone and would call him tomorrow night.
Tonight D called. I have been isolated for a long time. Occasionally I will talk to my mom or kid on the phone or text with my ex. Other than that I don't talk on the phone. My business is online so when it comes up I exchange emails with customers.
I happened to be eating pizza, watching some tv and getting ready to pack orders for shipping tomorrow. At first I hit mute on the TV. After a few minutes I turned it off. I really did try to remember my priorities. Relationship with God, then relationships with others. We ended up talking and then praying for over 30 minutes. I know people do that all the time, but I don't. God is giving me an opportunity to change. I am trying to take it.
That's why I looked up Brotherly in my concordance for these passages. I want to see what the Bible says about Brotherly relationships.
The one that catches my eye the most is the last. 2 Peter 1:7 and to godliness, BROTHERLY kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. - NIV Brotherly kindness is just under love and past self-control. Brotherly kindness is something that I need to develop. It is important.
The other one is Amos. Not acting with brotherly kindness is bad. These people of Tyre really got God angry with their treatment of Israel. That is an extreme, but I think is important to remember. Don't do the wrong thing. Obvious if your trying to be good, but need to remember it. When someone cuts me off or drives to fast when I'm walking or cruising on the Scooter I think about kicking their car. Or after I read Hunter Thompson's book Hell's Angels though about chaining a car whose driver was being stupid. On the cell phone and cutting me off. So, I am trying to even catch my thoughts.
Reading more of The Relationship Principles of Jesus and it gets into changing how we think. Change at the core! So for addiction it isn't just in not doing the behavior. For me giving up Alcohol, Weed and Gambling. Core change involves how I think. Hard. Socially before I withdrew my activities were: meet for drinks, go to casino to play poker, come over and lets get high. Even after I withdrew the times I would emerge would be to go play poker, get drunk or get high.
Brotherly relationships should help build healthier thinking. For me it will start by keeping my word. If I say I'm going to call or do something I will do it. I will think outside of myself. I will pray for my new Brothers.
Thank you Jesus for providing me with the tools I need to survive and opportunities to do the right thing.
Monday, December 19, 2011
19 December - Mathew 7:7-12 - 13 Days No Alcohol, No Drugs & No Gambling
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks, finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, the, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. - NIV
Today it snowed. Takes me off the scooter and puts me on foot. Jesus still provides. I can walk to the post office to ship my stuff. I have a part-time job shoveling the snow at my apartment building. I can even walk to a supplier and get stuff to sell online. Thank you Jesus for providing me with what I need.
I walked to church tonight for a meeting. The regular addiction meeting was cancelled, but there was a men's Bible study going on. One guy there was very cool, offered me coffee and a ride home and let me hang out and listed to their study.
I was a little pissed off at the Jr. Pastor who was just like your meeting was cancelled see ya. I get what he was thinking in that he needs to protect the integrity of his group. So I can imaging what was going through his head, but I needed to be away from my house tonight and the walk isn't short. Just over 30 minutes. I am very thankful that D invited me in. Seriously, I had thought earlier in the day when the snow started about who I could get some weed from. Snowy, lock up in the pad, smoke up. I needed this walk to church to be successful. I am thankful that it was.
Refering back to earlier posts: Relationships. Get one with God. Relate with others. I do want to be careful and start relationships only with the right people. I need to be around strong Jesus lovers who believe and live trying to do good. I am at a good starting place as I have killed all my old friendships. I really am alone.
Sounds strange especially if you are young because my friends used to be everything to me. But where I went with my life obviously wasn't the right place. I am lucky that I have this chance to rebuild and do it right.
What this has to do with this passage is this: I am asking Jesus to help me start a new life. Even before I was asking, he was helping. I believe this. I worked by going out and finding stuff to sell online and now my apartment is full of stuff. Almost 700 items between eBay and Amazon. So when it's night or when it snows I can focus and take the time I need to read the Bible every day. I can go to Church. I can go to meetings. I still have to go out and work every day. But I don't have to stress about it every minute of every day. I have the time to do this and it is critical to my renewal.
My new life is about reading the Bible and trying to apply it to how I live. To be a better person. To build my business with equity. To do things right. I ask Jesus every day to help me and he does.
Never would have said this before but glad I went out tonight and got a guy's phone number. D and I are going to pray together on the phone 3 times over the next two weeks. I am going to give it a shot with starting a friendship relationship with this guy.
Have a relationship with God. Have relationships with others. Ask God for help.
Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, the, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. - NIV
Today it snowed. Takes me off the scooter and puts me on foot. Jesus still provides. I can walk to the post office to ship my stuff. I have a part-time job shoveling the snow at my apartment building. I can even walk to a supplier and get stuff to sell online. Thank you Jesus for providing me with what I need.
I walked to church tonight for a meeting. The regular addiction meeting was cancelled, but there was a men's Bible study going on. One guy there was very cool, offered me coffee and a ride home and let me hang out and listed to their study.
I was a little pissed off at the Jr. Pastor who was just like your meeting was cancelled see ya. I get what he was thinking in that he needs to protect the integrity of his group. So I can imaging what was going through his head, but I needed to be away from my house tonight and the walk isn't short. Just over 30 minutes. I am very thankful that D invited me in. Seriously, I had thought earlier in the day when the snow started about who I could get some weed from. Snowy, lock up in the pad, smoke up. I needed this walk to church to be successful. I am thankful that it was.
Refering back to earlier posts: Relationships. Get one with God. Relate with others. I do want to be careful and start relationships only with the right people. I need to be around strong Jesus lovers who believe and live trying to do good. I am at a good starting place as I have killed all my old friendships. I really am alone.
Sounds strange especially if you are young because my friends used to be everything to me. But where I went with my life obviously wasn't the right place. I am lucky that I have this chance to rebuild and do it right.
What this has to do with this passage is this: I am asking Jesus to help me start a new life. Even before I was asking, he was helping. I believe this. I worked by going out and finding stuff to sell online and now my apartment is full of stuff. Almost 700 items between eBay and Amazon. So when it's night or when it snows I can focus and take the time I need to read the Bible every day. I can go to Church. I can go to meetings. I still have to go out and work every day. But I don't have to stress about it every minute of every day. I have the time to do this and it is critical to my renewal.
My new life is about reading the Bible and trying to apply it to how I live. To be a better person. To build my business with equity. To do things right. I ask Jesus every day to help me and he does.
Never would have said this before but glad I went out tonight and got a guy's phone number. D and I are going to pray together on the phone 3 times over the next two weeks. I am going to give it a shot with starting a friendship relationship with this guy.
Have a relationship with God. Have relationships with others. Ask God for help.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
18 December - Mathew 4:17 12 Days No Alcohol, No Drugs, No Gambling
From then on, Jesus began to preach, "Turn from your sins and turn to God, Because the Kingdom of Heaven is near." - New Living Translation
From that time on Jesus began to preach, "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near." - NIV
From that time Jesus began to preach and to say, "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand." - NKJV
Acts 26:20 ...I preached that they should repent and turn to God and prove their repentance by their deeds. - NIV
Revelation 3:19-20 Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him and he with me. - NIV
I have questions about Christianity and the Bible. Like today at Church. Why would Jesus speak to the unrightious undead during the resurection if there is no hope of them changing their ways? Why is there Hell? It must hurt God to know that some of his children will be punished forever. Eternity is a massive concept. 80 years or so on Earth with no proof of existence of life after death. I mean there are non-christians who live life reaching out and helping others. Will they really burn forever? It seems rather unforgiving and makes me want to ask more questions. So, in the future I will come back to it.
I do believe that Jesus provides me with what I need. I am just now starting to come out after isolating myself for a good two years. My wife and one of her brothers told me she wanted a divorce. I held on for a few months, even tried 8 weeks of counseling. Then I walked away from my business, my partners, my friends, my wife and my kids got in my truck and drove to Vegas where I spent 3 months drinking and gambling every day for 12 or more hours a day. I ran away. I didn't want to face the fact that my 3rd marriage had failed. I didn't want to face that I failed as a husband and father. I regret my cowardice in just shutting down and running away.
My daughter from my first marriage called me when I was in Vegas and told me she was pregnant. Last year in high school, alternative school and she was pregnant and living with a looser. I came back, got a job selling satellite tv for 4 or 5 months, quit that job and played poker online for 6 months. Was good because I could babysit and when the newborn slept I could play. Other than that I sat in my apartment alone and gambled online for 6 months. I got to help my daughter and spend time holding this beautiful baby so not really regrets there, except for the isolation.
Now I am trying to change. I want to learn as much about God and Jesus as I can. I want to get into relationships with the right people. Honestly, I am too weak to be around people who tell me it's okay to play poker for a living and that smoking pot is fine. I want to rebuild with people who are striving in their own lives to live rightiously. I don't want arrogant people who look down on others, but people with self-reflection. I also want to be around happy people. There are so many people out there with sob stories. Me too, but I'm trying to see and celebrate the good everyday. This work is serious and hard, but there is beauty that we should share and smile together.
Back to the point. I'm struggling. I believe Jesus takes care of me because I really do see it daily. I'm not sure I believe everything in the Bible. I mean, how do I know until I ask questions and study it deeper.
Today in church the preacher stated that the foundation of Christian belief is that Jesus died for our sins and was resurrected from the dead. To me to repent is to honestly want to change bad behavior. I did yahoo! this and the 3 sites I read seem to agree.
With the desire to change for me the natural extension is to move towards something better. Take action. So, I study the Bible. Jesus helps me gather what I need to sell online so that I have time, patience and energy left to go to church, meetings and study the bible. I am confident that Jesus is going to help me encounter the right people to start building relationships with. There are my mother, daughter and granddaugher and relating to them in the right way will help enrich our lives.
I guess this is one I'm already working on daily so no tomorrow statement except to "keep on keeping on".
See that's a quote by Will Farrell in Old School. Wicked movie but always makes me laugh. This is hard work, but I want to have fun with it too.
From that time on Jesus began to preach, "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near." - NIV
From that time Jesus began to preach and to say, "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand." - NKJV
Acts 26:20 ...I preached that they should repent and turn to God and prove their repentance by their deeds. - NIV
Revelation 3:19-20 Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him and he with me. - NIV
I have questions about Christianity and the Bible. Like today at Church. Why would Jesus speak to the unrightious undead during the resurection if there is no hope of them changing their ways? Why is there Hell? It must hurt God to know that some of his children will be punished forever. Eternity is a massive concept. 80 years or so on Earth with no proof of existence of life after death. I mean there are non-christians who live life reaching out and helping others. Will they really burn forever? It seems rather unforgiving and makes me want to ask more questions. So, in the future I will come back to it.
I do believe that Jesus provides me with what I need. I am just now starting to come out after isolating myself for a good two years. My wife and one of her brothers told me she wanted a divorce. I held on for a few months, even tried 8 weeks of counseling. Then I walked away from my business, my partners, my friends, my wife and my kids got in my truck and drove to Vegas where I spent 3 months drinking and gambling every day for 12 or more hours a day. I ran away. I didn't want to face the fact that my 3rd marriage had failed. I didn't want to face that I failed as a husband and father. I regret my cowardice in just shutting down and running away.
My daughter from my first marriage called me when I was in Vegas and told me she was pregnant. Last year in high school, alternative school and she was pregnant and living with a looser. I came back, got a job selling satellite tv for 4 or 5 months, quit that job and played poker online for 6 months. Was good because I could babysit and when the newborn slept I could play. Other than that I sat in my apartment alone and gambled online for 6 months. I got to help my daughter and spend time holding this beautiful baby so not really regrets there, except for the isolation.
Now I am trying to change. I want to learn as much about God and Jesus as I can. I want to get into relationships with the right people. Honestly, I am too weak to be around people who tell me it's okay to play poker for a living and that smoking pot is fine. I want to rebuild with people who are striving in their own lives to live rightiously. I don't want arrogant people who look down on others, but people with self-reflection. I also want to be around happy people. There are so many people out there with sob stories. Me too, but I'm trying to see and celebrate the good everyday. This work is serious and hard, but there is beauty that we should share and smile together.
Back to the point. I'm struggling. I believe Jesus takes care of me because I really do see it daily. I'm not sure I believe everything in the Bible. I mean, how do I know until I ask questions and study it deeper.
Today in church the preacher stated that the foundation of Christian belief is that Jesus died for our sins and was resurrected from the dead. To me to repent is to honestly want to change bad behavior. I did yahoo! this and the 3 sites I read seem to agree.
With the desire to change for me the natural extension is to move towards something better. Take action. So, I study the Bible. Jesus helps me gather what I need to sell online so that I have time, patience and energy left to go to church, meetings and study the bible. I am confident that Jesus is going to help me encounter the right people to start building relationships with. There are my mother, daughter and granddaugher and relating to them in the right way will help enrich our lives.
I guess this is one I'm already working on daily so no tomorrow statement except to "keep on keeping on".
See that's a quote by Will Farrell in Old School. Wicked movie but always makes me laugh. This is hard work, but I want to have fun with it too.
Saturday, December 17, 2011
17 December - Amazing Things Happen - 11 Days No Alcohol, No Drugs, No Gambling
So I picked up this book The Relationship Principles of Jesus yesterday and started reading it last night. Chapter one earlier and then after midnight Chapter two. Important because the author urges you to read just one chapter a day for 40 days. This is written by Tom Holladay who is the brother in law of Rick Warren.
Chapter One is Simple. Place the highest value on relationships. Jesus is out teaching and at the end people are hanging around asking questions. Someone asks, "What is the most important commandment?" Jesus answers, "The most imprtant (Commandment) is this... Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your sould and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself." Mark 12: 28-34
Chapter Two is Simple. Don't let lesser things get in the way. His verse to remember is, " So I tell you, don't worry about everyday life - whether you have enough food, drink and clothes. Doesn't life consist of more than food and clothing?" Mathew 6:25
Boom! So I just got back in from riding around looking for stuff to sell online and had to write this down. While I was out today I went into the 2nd store on my route and Boom! my daughter 20 years old with a 2 year old baby girl is there buying books to sell online!
This makes me so happy because about a month ago, so worked for me for a few weeks out scouting things to sell online, but I had fire her because it just wasn't working. She was going out and bringing things back but the bottom line was that she was costing more than she was bringing in. It hurt me to let her go because I really enjoyed talking to her and seeing her everyday. Since then we haven't been talking as much and I don't see her as much. But today when I saw her I was so happy and the right words came out of my mouth. Are you hungry? Do you want to go get some lunch?
I could have been frustrated because she was getting what I wanted, but I was really happy that she was out working for herself and I got to spend some time with her catching up and being together again. After lunch, I went to the 3rd place on my route and did very well.
Bottom line. I feel that by reading good things everyday that the knowledge I gain can be applied to make my life better. My relationship with my daughter is more important than getting a few more things to list online and God really will provide for you if you put the important things first.
Very Cool to see this in action in my life.
Chapter One is Simple. Place the highest value on relationships. Jesus is out teaching and at the end people are hanging around asking questions. Someone asks, "What is the most important commandment?" Jesus answers, "The most imprtant (Commandment) is this... Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your sould and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself." Mark 12: 28-34
Chapter Two is Simple. Don't let lesser things get in the way. His verse to remember is, " So I tell you, don't worry about everyday life - whether you have enough food, drink and clothes. Doesn't life consist of more than food and clothing?" Mathew 6:25
Boom! So I just got back in from riding around looking for stuff to sell online and had to write this down. While I was out today I went into the 2nd store on my route and Boom! my daughter 20 years old with a 2 year old baby girl is there buying books to sell online!
This makes me so happy because about a month ago, so worked for me for a few weeks out scouting things to sell online, but I had fire her because it just wasn't working. She was going out and bringing things back but the bottom line was that she was costing more than she was bringing in. It hurt me to let her go because I really enjoyed talking to her and seeing her everyday. Since then we haven't been talking as much and I don't see her as much. But today when I saw her I was so happy and the right words came out of my mouth. Are you hungry? Do you want to go get some lunch?
I could have been frustrated because she was getting what I wanted, but I was really happy that she was out working for herself and I got to spend some time with her catching up and being together again. After lunch, I went to the 3rd place on my route and did very well.
Bottom line. I feel that by reading good things everyday that the knowledge I gain can be applied to make my life better. My relationship with my daughter is more important than getting a few more things to list online and God really will provide for you if you put the important things first.
Very Cool to see this in action in my life.
Friday, December 16, 2011
16 December 2 Corinthians 5:17 Mathew 7:7 10 days No Alcohol, Drugs or Gambling
I absolutablly believe that Jesus provides for me. But I won't call myself a Christian yet. I just came from a meeting and sat in a room full of professing Christians and told them that I am quitting drinking, weed and gambling but am not a Christian.
Jesus provides for me. Today I made a bad choice. I was buying a book that was marked up to $7.99,. but I knew I could sell it for at least $25. I took my stack of 5 books to the check out girl put the expensive one on the bottom. Chatted her up and got out of there paying the usual $2.99 for the book because she just counted the books and didn't look at them closely. I know this was wrong. I did it anyway. I will not do it again. I mean that.
I came home put the book in the system, actually not for the lowest price, but for $34.99 and while I was at this meeting tonight it sold. Jesus knows what I did, but for some reason he sold it anyway. My net on this is $25.38 after shipping and purchase cost.
Right now I'm pushing to get enough over my bottom line bankroll to pay child support and rent at the end of the month and I really do have faith that God/Jesus will get me there.
2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!
Mathew 7:7 Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened for you. - New International Version
I pray that Jesus/God will help me become a new person and do the right things and say the right things. I swear sometimes I don't know where the words that come out of my mouth come from. I am angry and confrontational.
I think part of why I won't call myself a Christian is because there is so much hypocracy is Religion. I don't want to be a hypocrite. I really want to do the right thing, and do what I say I'm going to do. Like earlier this month I made a post about sending my ex an extra check for Christmas for the kids. I did it. Part of me wanted to hold back. Angry about divorce, want her to feel hardship. But that's not fair to kids. I really love them even though they are on the other side of the country and I don't get to see them. I did write the check and Jesus is taking care of me financially.
Thank you.
Okay. So, not really a Bible study. Just sharing and that's okay with me tonight.
Jesus provides for me. Today I made a bad choice. I was buying a book that was marked up to $7.99,. but I knew I could sell it for at least $25. I took my stack of 5 books to the check out girl put the expensive one on the bottom. Chatted her up and got out of there paying the usual $2.99 for the book because she just counted the books and didn't look at them closely. I know this was wrong. I did it anyway. I will not do it again. I mean that.
I came home put the book in the system, actually not for the lowest price, but for $34.99 and while I was at this meeting tonight it sold. Jesus knows what I did, but for some reason he sold it anyway. My net on this is $25.38 after shipping and purchase cost.
Right now I'm pushing to get enough over my bottom line bankroll to pay child support and rent at the end of the month and I really do have faith that God/Jesus will get me there.
2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!
Mathew 7:7 Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened for you. - New International Version
I pray that Jesus/God will help me become a new person and do the right things and say the right things. I swear sometimes I don't know where the words that come out of my mouth come from. I am angry and confrontational.
I think part of why I won't call myself a Christian is because there is so much hypocracy is Religion. I don't want to be a hypocrite. I really want to do the right thing, and do what I say I'm going to do. Like earlier this month I made a post about sending my ex an extra check for Christmas for the kids. I did it. Part of me wanted to hold back. Angry about divorce, want her to feel hardship. But that's not fair to kids. I really love them even though they are on the other side of the country and I don't get to see them. I did write the check and Jesus is taking care of me financially.
Thank you.
Okay. So, not really a Bible study. Just sharing and that's okay with me tonight.
16 December 10 Days No alcohol, No Drugs, No Gambling
Self-Control is my topic for the day. Here is the deal: Physical Addition to me is the easier part. I can stop myself from buying weed, going to the bar and driving up the mountain to gamble. Inner Dialog is a Bitch. Sorry this is going to just pour out for a minute uncensored. Seriously, a cute lady walks by and I am going to check out the badunka dunk of her gait. A really fat chick gives me that "agh" loud inward breath because I walk faster and go ahead of her and in my mind the squeel of Angry Pigs is going off in my head. Also, the cute little old lady at the library is always smiling and I like that I see the good things too.
Lets face it the job I made for myself isn't the most intellectual pursuit. Most of the day my mind is cruising around with the freedom to go where it wants. How do I get this bad boy on a leash? I am looking to make a fundamental change to my psyche. Seriously, there is a Jeckle and Hyde in there. Big part of why I'm anti-social. Filter is damaged. I'm not conceited as my ex thinks. I just don't trust my mouth. There is Good and Bad inside.
That's what makes me have some doubts about this at times. Is giving up the drugs and alcohol really so necessary when the root is on the inside? What would be so bad about being high if the thoughts in my head aren't worse when I'm high. What if my actions are actually improved by being high? I mean seriously if I'm grumpy and out of control mentally because I'm sober couldn't it actually be an improvement to add some THC?
Just some thoughts now I have to get back to work. I started new part-time job today keeping the apartment building that I live in cleaned up. Unsupervised, not really a job just a discount on the rent. But every cent counts and I am committed to staying in town for 4 months to do this once a week on Fridays. So no Vegas trips for 4 months.
I am trying to catch my crazy thoughts when they come out and think about Jesus and self-control today.
Lets face it the job I made for myself isn't the most intellectual pursuit. Most of the day my mind is cruising around with the freedom to go where it wants. How do I get this bad boy on a leash? I am looking to make a fundamental change to my psyche. Seriously, there is a Jeckle and Hyde in there. Big part of why I'm anti-social. Filter is damaged. I'm not conceited as my ex thinks. I just don't trust my mouth. There is Good and Bad inside.
That's what makes me have some doubts about this at times. Is giving up the drugs and alcohol really so necessary when the root is on the inside? What would be so bad about being high if the thoughts in my head aren't worse when I'm high. What if my actions are actually improved by being high? I mean seriously if I'm grumpy and out of control mentally because I'm sober couldn't it actually be an improvement to add some THC?
Just some thoughts now I have to get back to work. I started new part-time job today keeping the apartment building that I live in cleaned up. Unsupervised, not really a job just a discount on the rent. But every cent counts and I am committed to staying in town for 4 months to do this once a week on Fridays. So no Vegas trips for 4 months.
I am trying to catch my crazy thoughts when they come out and think about Jesus and self-control today.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
15 December Galations 5:16, 19, 22 2 Peter 5-7 9 Days
Galations
16) So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 19) The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 22) But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. - NIV
2 Peter
For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. - NIV
Afternoons are when I loose it. When the work slows down and I'm starting to think about calling it a day I get the desire to fire one up or go to the bar. It really is easier. It is difficult to come home alone day after day. Yeah 9 days big deal. But I know I need to focus and I trust that by sitting down every day and opening the Bible that I will learn some self-control.
At the laundry, and oh yes that needed to get done!, I had stupid thoughts of smoking and even some thoughts about going up to the young woman on her cell phone who was talking loudly about having 4 FREE tickets to a concert tomorrow night.
Lets face it. It is fun to let go and get drunk or high. I was never an angry drunk. It is social. Gambling is social. Sex is social. Going home to read the Bible isn't social. I do save money. I am learning. I am trying to be disciplined. Reading the Bible does help focus my mind. I can put aside my smart ass comments and sarcasm and focus on more positive things.
It did give me strength today too. Last night I did not sleep much. I crash for a couple hours and then was up for a few hours before finally falling back to sleep. I got up and stayed up. I went about getting the work I needed done, done. There were a couple small hurdles, text offense with ex, and some bad news about a supplier becoming a competitor but I didn't feel the anger and anxiety that I would normally have because I do know that I am putting my trust in God and that things will work out. Strange to type because I wouldn't call myself a Christian yet. I do want to get there.
I was reading on http://www.livingsober.com/ about Jung and James in psychiatry stating that the only way to be free of drugs and alcohol is to have a religious experience. The 12 steps of AA are designed to create that religious experience. I don't have any expertise so just reporting what I read.
I am inspired to read and learn more. In College I took the basic psychology classes and minored in philosophy and this Bible study is bringing back memories. It is exciting to see how the Bible provides guideance on issues that have been around since Socrates that come up because I want to be a better person. And that to me is what this is really about. Yes Drugs and Alcohol can be bad, but the main thing for me is the lack of self-control, self-destruction and self-absorbsion I have that contributed to the bad decisions I've made. The poor way I treated people.
So, for tomorrow I will focus on more self-control. At the end of the afternoon when I start to think about playing in that Friday Poker game or renting a movie and smoking I will focus on making the Friday night meeting.
16) So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 19) The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 22) But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. - NIV
2 Peter
For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. - NIV
Afternoons are when I loose it. When the work slows down and I'm starting to think about calling it a day I get the desire to fire one up or go to the bar. It really is easier. It is difficult to come home alone day after day. Yeah 9 days big deal. But I know I need to focus and I trust that by sitting down every day and opening the Bible that I will learn some self-control.
At the laundry, and oh yes that needed to get done!, I had stupid thoughts of smoking and even some thoughts about going up to the young woman on her cell phone who was talking loudly about having 4 FREE tickets to a concert tomorrow night.
Lets face it. It is fun to let go and get drunk or high. I was never an angry drunk. It is social. Gambling is social. Sex is social. Going home to read the Bible isn't social. I do save money. I am learning. I am trying to be disciplined. Reading the Bible does help focus my mind. I can put aside my smart ass comments and sarcasm and focus on more positive things.
It did give me strength today too. Last night I did not sleep much. I crash for a couple hours and then was up for a few hours before finally falling back to sleep. I got up and stayed up. I went about getting the work I needed done, done. There were a couple small hurdles, text offense with ex, and some bad news about a supplier becoming a competitor but I didn't feel the anger and anxiety that I would normally have because I do know that I am putting my trust in God and that things will work out. Strange to type because I wouldn't call myself a Christian yet. I do want to get there.
I was reading on http://www.livingsober.com/ about Jung and James in psychiatry stating that the only way to be free of drugs and alcohol is to have a religious experience. The 12 steps of AA are designed to create that religious experience. I don't have any expertise so just reporting what I read.
I am inspired to read and learn more. In College I took the basic psychology classes and minored in philosophy and this Bible study is bringing back memories. It is exciting to see how the Bible provides guideance on issues that have been around since Socrates that come up because I want to be a better person. And that to me is what this is really about. Yes Drugs and Alcohol can be bad, but the main thing for me is the lack of self-control, self-destruction and self-absorbsion I have that contributed to the bad decisions I've made. The poor way I treated people.
So, for tomorrow I will focus on more self-control. At the end of the afternoon when I start to think about playing in that Friday Poker game or renting a movie and smoking I will focus on making the Friday night meeting.
The Books I am using.
So I have a daily study Bible, concordance, NIV, New Living Translation and pocket new testament.
This is great technology!
Just posted a photo, headline and text to blog using iPhone! Downloaded blogger app from app store on phone so no computer needed. Very simple to use. I love when they make something cool simple to use. Now of course I will want to adjust image size but will get to that later. Spin cycle almost over.
At laundry testing mobile post
It's just so wrong the things that run through my head. Sing song I'll take the weed and a fat chick. Afternoons are the worst. Too much time on my hands. Sing to Styx bah bah
15 December - 9 Days No Alcohol, Drugs or Gambling
Middle of the night and just can't sleep. One of the things I like about weed. I can sleep. Work all day, shut down at the end of the night smoke a bowl, watch some TV and go to sleep. On weed sleep through the night no problem. No weed, no sleep.
I've seen a mad alcoholic like that. Drink all night and party but can't pass out without more.
I am an addict. You think I would have realized that since I've been writing on this thing for a few days now with the intent of stopping Alcohol, Drugs and Gambling. But it really hasn't sunk in. I mean I'm not laying in a pool of my own vomit with a broken bottle at my feet or a needle hanging out of my arm. Okay I have a bit of a gut but not too bad. I am not homeless. I manage my money on a daily basis and keep things in line with my current expenses. I do owe a LOT for taxes from the past and will need to address that.
I have ruined 3 marriages and countless relationships because of my self-centered, compulsive behavior. Even in High School when I was head over heals in love for the first time with an absolute angel of a girl I managed to get completely out of control. I remember coming back from Basic Training (I went in on split-option) as a High School Junior over the summer. It seems as soon as I got back I was at a party drinking an insane amount of vodka, got out of hand, had the cops called and then my friends managed to talk the cops into letting them put me in the trunk and drove me home.
But I was never late for work.
I am sorry. I really am trying to change. I've stopped the activities before. I have NOT stopped the compulsive behavior that fuels them. Even now I'm probably redirecting into writing compulsively.
How do I change at a core level to affect the behavior that drives the addiction? How do you change your character when you are 43 years old?
Romans 7:18 really hits on this duality I'm trying to split. No matter which way I turn, I can't make myself do right. I want to, but I can't.
I want to be in a loving relationship, so I got married. Then I withdraw into myself. I want to be a hard worker and get ahead, but then I get money and run to Vegas. As for alcohol, I always thought I was a fun drunk. Same with weed, and other drugs when I was young. Things always seemed fine high. Always had a woman and lots of friends. Being sober was when I was a jerk.
I want to be sober and a nice loving guy.
Duality of Man. Lots of cool things to look into later.
I've seen a mad alcoholic like that. Drink all night and party but can't pass out without more.
I am an addict. You think I would have realized that since I've been writing on this thing for a few days now with the intent of stopping Alcohol, Drugs and Gambling. But it really hasn't sunk in. I mean I'm not laying in a pool of my own vomit with a broken bottle at my feet or a needle hanging out of my arm. Okay I have a bit of a gut but not too bad. I am not homeless. I manage my money on a daily basis and keep things in line with my current expenses. I do owe a LOT for taxes from the past and will need to address that.
I have ruined 3 marriages and countless relationships because of my self-centered, compulsive behavior. Even in High School when I was head over heals in love for the first time with an absolute angel of a girl I managed to get completely out of control. I remember coming back from Basic Training (I went in on split-option) as a High School Junior over the summer. It seems as soon as I got back I was at a party drinking an insane amount of vodka, got out of hand, had the cops called and then my friends managed to talk the cops into letting them put me in the trunk and drove me home.
But I was never late for work.
I am sorry. I really am trying to change. I've stopped the activities before. I have NOT stopped the compulsive behavior that fuels them. Even now I'm probably redirecting into writing compulsively.
How do I change at a core level to affect the behavior that drives the addiction? How do you change your character when you are 43 years old?
Romans 7:18 really hits on this duality I'm trying to split. No matter which way I turn, I can't make myself do right. I want to, but I can't.
I want to be in a loving relationship, so I got married. Then I withdraw into myself. I want to be a hard worker and get ahead, but then I get money and run to Vegas. As for alcohol, I always thought I was a fun drunk. Same with weed, and other drugs when I was young. Things always seemed fine high. Always had a woman and lots of friends. Being sober was when I was a jerk.
I want to be sober and a nice loving guy.
Duality of Man. Lots of cool things to look into later.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
14 December Part II - Romans 7 24, 18-20
7:24-25 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord! - New International Version
7:18 I know I am rotten through and through so far as my old sinful nature is concerned. No matter which way I turn, I can't make myself do right. I want to, but I cant. - New Living Translation
Bible Study. Paul was in prison. So, he had to write to the Churches instead of visiting them. This created the letters which make up some of the New Testiment. I just learned this.
Earlier today all I wanted to do was get high and watch sci-fi. Tonight I'm sitting at my desk with 2 Bibles and digging into this piece of Romans that I heard at church tonight.
I like verse 24 because it is passionate, dramatic and poetic.
The New Living Translation of 7:18 reads easier for me. I like this line because I feel this way at times. Not in the same context but I try things and they don't work out. I try to quit something and I go back to it. Alcohol, Drugs and Gambling...only 8 days. I know I should do something but I don't.
The Bible has people struggling with issues and can show us how they dealt with it. I am going to use the Bible as a guide. I am going to study the Bible. Not having a mentor, father or guide in my life hasn't stopped me from doing things. Action is my game baby. Now I am older and am going to do things differently to try to not repeat my success/tear down patterns.
My biggest struggle is compulsive behavior. I don't go out to get "a" beer. I go out to get drunk. I smoke to get high and exist inside a movie, event or experience. I gamble because I escape to living in the moment of turning over the next card or determining if that guy is going to call, fold or show the nuts. Sales I lived for turning a cold call into a signed contract.
Action isn't necessarily bad but I need to learn to drive my actions consistently in the right direction. I really think this Bible study is going to help me with that. I am tired of being self-destructive.
7:18 I know I am rotten through and through so far as my old sinful nature is concerned. No matter which way I turn, I can't make myself do right. I want to, but I cant. - New Living Translation
Bible Study. Paul was in prison. So, he had to write to the Churches instead of visiting them. This created the letters which make up some of the New Testiment. I just learned this.
Earlier today all I wanted to do was get high and watch sci-fi. Tonight I'm sitting at my desk with 2 Bibles and digging into this piece of Romans that I heard at church tonight.
I like verse 24 because it is passionate, dramatic and poetic.
The New Living Translation of 7:18 reads easier for me. I like this line because I feel this way at times. Not in the same context but I try things and they don't work out. I try to quit something and I go back to it. Alcohol, Drugs and Gambling...only 8 days. I know I should do something but I don't.
The Bible has people struggling with issues and can show us how they dealt with it. I am going to use the Bible as a guide. I am going to study the Bible. Not having a mentor, father or guide in my life hasn't stopped me from doing things. Action is my game baby. Now I am older and am going to do things differently to try to not repeat my success/tear down patterns.
My biggest struggle is compulsive behavior. I don't go out to get "a" beer. I go out to get drunk. I smoke to get high and exist inside a movie, event or experience. I gamble because I escape to living in the moment of turning over the next card or determining if that guy is going to call, fold or show the nuts. Sales I lived for turning a cold call into a signed contract.
Action isn't necessarily bad but I need to learn to drive my actions consistently in the right direction. I really think this Bible study is going to help me with that. I am tired of being self-destructive.
14 December - 8 Days no Alcohol, Drugs or Gambling.
So this is going to start off much different.......cruising down the street just after 2 in the afternoon after being shut out of 2 places. Meaning not finding anything to sell online. But that's cool cause this morning had a good outing.
I want to get high, watch some sci-fii and chill out. Even seriously considering doing a short paper on Jesus and Weed. Weeds medicinal effects. Something to justify this urge.
But wait......that's the point this is an urge. Like lust which is so often mentioned in Bible. But what about moderation like Socrates? What about the fact that I'm more of an ass off weed than when I smoke? It is easier for me to be loving and forgiving when I'm high. I have more fun when I'm high.
Seriously, they legalized here so I can actually drive along and see a advertisement for $5 Joints. I want a $5 joint.
It's nice and sunny out but it is so cold the wind cut through 4 layers and my nipples felt like they were on fire. Made me laugh, but it's cold so being inside is good. And being inside by myself is best with weed.
Okay going to go start reading and will do a more normal post with some scripture reading later today.
Not going to smoke. Not going to make the call to get smoke.
I want to get high, watch some sci-fii and chill out. Even seriously considering doing a short paper on Jesus and Weed. Weeds medicinal effects. Something to justify this urge.
But wait......that's the point this is an urge. Like lust which is so often mentioned in Bible. But what about moderation like Socrates? What about the fact that I'm more of an ass off weed than when I smoke? It is easier for me to be loving and forgiving when I'm high. I have more fun when I'm high.
Seriously, they legalized here so I can actually drive along and see a advertisement for $5 Joints. I want a $5 joint.
It's nice and sunny out but it is so cold the wind cut through 4 layers and my nipples felt like they were on fire. Made me laugh, but it's cold so being inside is good. And being inside by myself is best with weed.
Okay going to go start reading and will do a more normal post with some scripture reading later today.
Not going to smoke. Not going to make the call to get smoke.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
13 December - Ephesians 4:32 5:1,2 - 7 Days No Alcohol, Drugs or Gambling.
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
One Week. One week ago I drove back from Vegas. Compulsive. Drinking and Gambling.
This passage is the type of message I love about the Bible. Love. I want to live a better life. Happier. Kinder. Less selfish. More Loving.
I am isolated so to love I have to reemerge. I made it to a Meeting last night. Trying.
I come across people in my daily work life. I will be cheerful and smile.
God really does take care of me. I sell stuff online to make money. I always manage to find good stuff everyday, even if it isn't a lot, I almost never come home empty handed. This is great because the last job I had was a negative place. Even some of the people I thought were cool talked behind your back and were negative when I talked about trying to get ahead. New ideas got negative feedback.
Ideas are wonderful things. Hope in ideas. Trying something new like this. Sharing them with others. Isolating myself was crazy. Like today I had an idea and wanted to share it, but because I'm isolated I just sent a text to the ex. But I do know that I need to be around the right kind of people. Being around the wrong people will lead me the wrong way. I am still weak.
Tomorrow I will think about Love.
One Week. One week ago I drove back from Vegas. Compulsive. Drinking and Gambling.
This passage is the type of message I love about the Bible. Love. I want to live a better life. Happier. Kinder. Less selfish. More Loving.
I am isolated so to love I have to reemerge. I made it to a Meeting last night. Trying.
I come across people in my daily work life. I will be cheerful and smile.
God really does take care of me. I sell stuff online to make money. I always manage to find good stuff everyday, even if it isn't a lot, I almost never come home empty handed. This is great because the last job I had was a negative place. Even some of the people I thought were cool talked behind your back and were negative when I talked about trying to get ahead. New ideas got negative feedback.
Ideas are wonderful things. Hope in ideas. Trying something new like this. Sharing them with others. Isolating myself was crazy. Like today I had an idea and wanted to share it, but because I'm isolated I just sent a text to the ex. But I do know that I need to be around the right kind of people. Being around the wrong people will lead me the wrong way. I am still weak.
Tomorrow I will think about Love.
Monday, December 12, 2011
12 December Psalm 141 1-4 6 Days No Drinking, Drugs or Alcohol.
O Lord, I call to you; come quickly to me. Hear my voice when I call to you...Let not my heart be drawn to what is evil, to take part in wicked deeds...
Made the meeting. My sins are Alcohol, Weed, Gambling, Taxes and Chew. Even when I'm Sobor I am Compulsive, Defiant, Angry and so defiant I am willing to be self destructive. I will live broke to keep others from taking the money I make.
I need to change. Sober and an Ass to Drunk & Fun, High and Loving or Gambling and Fun. Halucinating and Creative. Sober & Self-destructive and Angry. I do not like who I am.
Torn between trying to do the right thing and using people and situations to get what I want.
,
Compulsive and rationalizing. Went to Vegas last week to "look for stuff to sell" Gambled and Drank.
I need God, Jesus, New Friends who won't tell me to live the dream of gambling, drinking, weed is okay.
Heard about turning away from the old life and starting something new in Jesus. That's what I'm going to try to do. Don't get me wrong, living broke never meant not working hard to me. To me it meant getting stupid job and working hard for low wages.
I still don't want to sell stuff because I really want to do the right thing for others and still don't trust myself. Also, hate authority and want to work for myself.
Have hope...grabbed sand paper and wood fill finally to finish two poker tables in my closet to sell. Keep busy instead of being impulsive and heading out of town again.
Got part-time job working in my apartment building once a week and when it snows. Committed to staying in town.
Bible Text is New International Version.
Made the meeting. My sins are Alcohol, Weed, Gambling, Taxes and Chew. Even when I'm Sobor I am Compulsive, Defiant, Angry and so defiant I am willing to be self destructive. I will live broke to keep others from taking the money I make.
I need to change. Sober and an Ass to Drunk & Fun, High and Loving or Gambling and Fun. Halucinating and Creative. Sober & Self-destructive and Angry. I do not like who I am.
Torn between trying to do the right thing and using people and situations to get what I want.
,
Compulsive and rationalizing. Went to Vegas last week to "look for stuff to sell" Gambled and Drank.
I need God, Jesus, New Friends who won't tell me to live the dream of gambling, drinking, weed is okay.
Heard about turning away from the old life and starting something new in Jesus. That's what I'm going to try to do. Don't get me wrong, living broke never meant not working hard to me. To me it meant getting stupid job and working hard for low wages.
I still don't want to sell stuff because I really want to do the right thing for others and still don't trust myself. Also, hate authority and want to work for myself.
Have hope...grabbed sand paper and wood fill finally to finish two poker tables in my closet to sell. Keep busy instead of being impulsive and heading out of town again.
Got part-time job working in my apartment building once a week and when it snows. Committed to staying in town.
Bible Text is New International Version.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
December 11 Galations 5:22, 6:1 5 Days No Alcohol, Drugs or Gambling.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
1 Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.
Not much to say here yet. Galations is difficult. I do like these two passages.
Jesus to me is about being loving and working to better ourselves. And help others. I need to come out of isolation and start interacting. My kid, grandkid and mother are the only people I really see anymore. And not often.
The roads are clearing up and tomorrow should be snow free. So tomorrow night I'm going to make another meeting at church. Only 2nd one.
Sunday and feeling lazy. Did see Tebow interview on TV after last-minute win over Chicago Bears. First thing he said was thanks to Jesus. Encouraging. Crazy Game. Down 10 to 0 in 4th quarter and they still managed to win in OT.
Strange lack of motivation to work as usually very self-motivated.
Strange lack of motivation to date too. Seriously, I always had a girlfriend or wife for 20 years. Now it's been 2 years or more and only dated one lady who I quickly stopped dating. Too much drama. Still open to it but really looking for happy and creative.
For Tomorrow:
Wake up. Work hard. Get to Meeting.
Bible Text is from New Internation Version
1 Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.
Not much to say here yet. Galations is difficult. I do like these two passages.
Jesus to me is about being loving and working to better ourselves. And help others. I need to come out of isolation and start interacting. My kid, grandkid and mother are the only people I really see anymore. And not often.
The roads are clearing up and tomorrow should be snow free. So tomorrow night I'm going to make another meeting at church. Only 2nd one.
Sunday and feeling lazy. Did see Tebow interview on TV after last-minute win over Chicago Bears. First thing he said was thanks to Jesus. Encouraging. Crazy Game. Down 10 to 0 in 4th quarter and they still managed to win in OT.
Strange lack of motivation to work as usually very self-motivated.
Strange lack of motivation to date too. Seriously, I always had a girlfriend or wife for 20 years. Now it's been 2 years or more and only dated one lady who I quickly stopped dating. Too much drama. Still open to it but really looking for happy and creative.
For Tomorrow:
Wake up. Work hard. Get to Meeting.
Bible Text is from New Internation Version
Friday, December 9, 2011
December 10 1 Corinthians 10:13 4 Days no Alcohol, Drugs or Gambling.
But remember that the temptations that come into your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can't stand up against it. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that will will not give in to it. 1 Cor 10:13 The Promise Bible New Living Translation
Temptations:
1) Poker game Deep Stack at 3p.m. today. Did Not Go! Even though this is a FREE game at a local bar. You do win a bar tab if you place in top 2. Tourneyment style. My habit is to play and drink hard.
2) Picked up some DVDs today to sell online. Old habit would be to smoke a bowl and watch DVDs. Instead I just cleaned up the DVDs and cases and listed them online. Then I took a nap. It was too cold and side streets have to much ice to ride to church tonight.
3) Not to Write a check to ex. Didn't really want to because have not been picking up as much stuff to sell online this week because of the ice on roads. Scooter isn't as good as a car would be on a day like today but it is better than the 2 years I didn't have a drivers license and only walked or bused. Remembered last nights post about "birds in the air" and Trust so went ahead and wrote check.
Also just want to confess this is an extra check for kids for Christmas. Still a jerk. Did ship them off a board game and a bunch of books this week, but still had the reluctance to hold back. Self first. Jackass. Jesus really does take care of me. I really do feel this.
4) And Yes I chew tobacco! Not willing to give that up now. Have a dip in and writing.
Application:
Found new things to do today...
Picked up Rick Warren's Bible Study Methods today at the library. Read introduction. Basically, book is going to provide a methodology for Study of Bible. Dynamic Bible Study. This is going to require discipline right from the start. Right away he talks about scheduling time and gathering reference tools to do a proper Bible study.
Will get more into that later but did read both the NIV and New Living Translation for 1 Corinthians 10:13 the NIV version is:
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God if faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
I like the New Living version better just because the language is simple. "Not give in to it" hits home for me better than "stand up under it."
My desk is a large 8 person poker table. Last game was Monday Night in Vegas. Sat down with only $100 in cash but stood up and walked away with $257. Will NOT gamble again, but it was nice to finish off up in the game. I really do love playing poker but know it isn't the best use of my time. Wasted so much time playing poker over the last year of my 3rd marriage. I rationalized it as a "second job." I was good enough not to loose money over time but now know that all that time could have been better spent. Also played poker online full-time for 6 months, not loosing but not making enough to get ahead. Escape and excitement in poker. Usually have short attention span, but can focus and play poker for 12 to 18 hours at a stretch no problem.
You hear about how God has a plan for you like a map that you can't see because your down in the middle of it. Just a couple months after I quit playing poker online and had cashed out most of my money I went to log in and play a tourneyment when a big FBI logo greeted me on the log in screen. The FBI seized two of the online poker sites I played at and shut them down to US players. If that had happened a couple months earlier I would have been devistated. I had racked up over $1,200.00 in winnings from my little $1 and $5 tourneyments. It's not a lot of money, but when your back to nothing it matters.
And the crummy little job I took has lead me into my new online business.
Got past the temptations today!
For Tomorrow:
Wake up. Work hard. Have orders to pack and ship. Also plan on hitting the road in the afternoon after the air warms up a bit.
Temptations:
1) Poker game Deep Stack at 3p.m. today. Did Not Go! Even though this is a FREE game at a local bar. You do win a bar tab if you place in top 2. Tourneyment style. My habit is to play and drink hard.
2) Picked up some DVDs today to sell online. Old habit would be to smoke a bowl and watch DVDs. Instead I just cleaned up the DVDs and cases and listed them online. Then I took a nap. It was too cold and side streets have to much ice to ride to church tonight.
3) Not to Write a check to ex. Didn't really want to because have not been picking up as much stuff to sell online this week because of the ice on roads. Scooter isn't as good as a car would be on a day like today but it is better than the 2 years I didn't have a drivers license and only walked or bused. Remembered last nights post about "birds in the air" and Trust so went ahead and wrote check.
Also just want to confess this is an extra check for kids for Christmas. Still a jerk. Did ship them off a board game and a bunch of books this week, but still had the reluctance to hold back. Self first. Jackass. Jesus really does take care of me. I really do feel this.
4) And Yes I chew tobacco! Not willing to give that up now. Have a dip in and writing.
Application:
Found new things to do today...
Picked up Rick Warren's Bible Study Methods today at the library. Read introduction. Basically, book is going to provide a methodology for Study of Bible. Dynamic Bible Study. This is going to require discipline right from the start. Right away he talks about scheduling time and gathering reference tools to do a proper Bible study.
Will get more into that later but did read both the NIV and New Living Translation for 1 Corinthians 10:13 the NIV version is:
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God if faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
I like the New Living version better just because the language is simple. "Not give in to it" hits home for me better than "stand up under it."
My desk is a large 8 person poker table. Last game was Monday Night in Vegas. Sat down with only $100 in cash but stood up and walked away with $257. Will NOT gamble again, but it was nice to finish off up in the game. I really do love playing poker but know it isn't the best use of my time. Wasted so much time playing poker over the last year of my 3rd marriage. I rationalized it as a "second job." I was good enough not to loose money over time but now know that all that time could have been better spent. Also played poker online full-time for 6 months, not loosing but not making enough to get ahead. Escape and excitement in poker. Usually have short attention span, but can focus and play poker for 12 to 18 hours at a stretch no problem.
You hear about how God has a plan for you like a map that you can't see because your down in the middle of it. Just a couple months after I quit playing poker online and had cashed out most of my money I went to log in and play a tourneyment when a big FBI logo greeted me on the log in screen. The FBI seized two of the online poker sites I played at and shut them down to US players. If that had happened a couple months earlier I would have been devistated. I had racked up over $1,200.00 in winnings from my little $1 and $5 tourneyments. It's not a lot of money, but when your back to nothing it matters.
And the crummy little job I took has lead me into my new online business.
Got past the temptations today!
For Tomorrow:
Wake up. Work hard. Have orders to pack and ship. Also plan on hitting the road in the afternoon after the air warms up a bit.
December 9 Mathew 6:26, 6:34
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 6:26
No Weed. No Sleep. 3 Days without Alchohol, Drugs and Gambling. New Plan. Refocus life. Work hard. Think outside self.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. 6:34
I am not a Christian yet. I do believe Jesus takes care of me. I do believe that I am self-destructive.
Quick Overview
New path starts with reading the bible every day. Starting with new testement because I believe Jesus had a message of love which appeals to me. I am not a bible scholar, but a failure at life. That is going to change. Three marriages, Four kids, One Grandkid. Several businesses, both success and failure. Nothing to show but memories. Isolated self for better part of last 3 years after most self-destructive tantrum yet. I am going to trust Jesus to guide me out. I will work hard.
How Mathew 6:26,34 Apply
Wake up and Trust.
Trust that hard work will pay off.
My current business is simple. Find stuff. Sell Online. I ride a Derby Boulevard Scooter with a backpack. I sell books, backpacks, games, DVDs and even a wheelchair last week. I find stuff by driving around and looking. Even though I'm not religious I feel guidance at times that takes me to places where I find what I can sell for a profit.
Example: There is a store that I normally only go to on Sale day. It is more expensive. Scooting along I had an urge to go look at the reference shelf. So I drove. Went inside. Went to reference and found a $50 textbook for $5. Now I am not a psychic so I attribute this gut feeling to guidance from Jesus.
Trust that being Sobor is the right thing to do.
Not sleeping sucks. Weed helps me sleep. As I write this at 2:02 am and it's only been 3 days.
For Tomorrow:
Wake up. Work Hard. My feelback rating is 99% positive on Amazon. Go to Friday Night "The Most Excellent Way" meeting. Funny sounds like Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.
The bible text is from New International Version.
No Weed. No Sleep. 3 Days without Alchohol, Drugs and Gambling. New Plan. Refocus life. Work hard. Think outside self.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. 6:34
I am not a Christian yet. I do believe Jesus takes care of me. I do believe that I am self-destructive.
Quick Overview
New path starts with reading the bible every day. Starting with new testement because I believe Jesus had a message of love which appeals to me. I am not a bible scholar, but a failure at life. That is going to change. Three marriages, Four kids, One Grandkid. Several businesses, both success and failure. Nothing to show but memories. Isolated self for better part of last 3 years after most self-destructive tantrum yet. I am going to trust Jesus to guide me out. I will work hard.
How Mathew 6:26,34 Apply
Wake up and Trust.
Trust that hard work will pay off.
My current business is simple. Find stuff. Sell Online. I ride a Derby Boulevard Scooter with a backpack. I sell books, backpacks, games, DVDs and even a wheelchair last week. I find stuff by driving around and looking. Even though I'm not religious I feel guidance at times that takes me to places where I find what I can sell for a profit.
Example: There is a store that I normally only go to on Sale day. It is more expensive. Scooting along I had an urge to go look at the reference shelf. So I drove. Went inside. Went to reference and found a $50 textbook for $5. Now I am not a psychic so I attribute this gut feeling to guidance from Jesus.
Trust that being Sobor is the right thing to do.
Not sleeping sucks. Weed helps me sleep. As I write this at 2:02 am and it's only been 3 days.
For Tomorrow:
Wake up. Work Hard. My feelback rating is 99% positive on Amazon. Go to Friday Night "The Most Excellent Way" meeting. Funny sounds like Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.
The bible text is from New International Version.
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