35 Days No Alcohol, No Drugs & No Gambling
2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! - NIV
Ephesians 4:22-24 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. - NIV
Colossi ans 3: 7-10 You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. - NIV
I read the Bible, I pray, I actually get down on my knees and pray at times, I try to think about the right thing to do in every situation.
I read the Bible and I can imagine Jesus Christ as a man. I can imagine him being put to death by the Jews and Romans because of his teachings and miracles. I can even imaging angels being at the tomb of Christ and Christ coming back to life. But I'm still not 100% sure I'm a believer in my heart and I don't know why. I think it has to do with my past. Hearing that weak people who can't make it on their own turn to God.
I did a lot on my own. In elementary school I put together a challenge to the school district against re-zoning which took me away from my friends. In high school I was MVP of my cross country team. In college I was in the honor's program. In my work life I was a sales guy, then manager then director for an Internet company. I had my own Internet sales company, a marketing company, a mortgage company and a real estate investment company. I always got up and then burned them down. I really don't want to make the same mistakes and get into the same cycles again. Whatever happens, I need to change. I need to change beyond just stopping the outward behavior. I need to change at the core. I need a new me.
Jesus is offering this to me and at least I am trying. It is harder than it should be. Eternal life is an amazing concept. Start there and a whole range of things pops open. No way can eternal life be real. Some say we are our brains and once the brain dies we die. Look at Alzheimer's disease, who are you if you can't remember? Different religions offer different ideas about eternal life. Why is Jesus the right one really? Good people who don't believe. I have been lucky to know some people who really were good people and I can't imagine them being sent to hell forever.
But what have I got to loose? Kind of a cop out but a reality. I tried the old ways and had a pattern of success followed by self-destruction. Less than 3 years ago I was tied into multiple real estate deals on a partnership level, living in a 4 bedroom house with a 3 car garage filled with cars. Now I sit in a cheap 1 bedroom apartment filled with stuff to sell online by myself. I have nothing to loose. Side note: At group yesterday I was amazed at how our leader reaches out and touches new people. Two younger guys but both married coming to God to save their marriages and lives before they ruined them. His wife and his brother and others. What a good example.
Me. I'm an idiot who destroys everything he builds because I don't want anyone else to have what I worked for if I can't keep it all for myself. What a jerk!
I really need to change. I am starting with my actions. I don't drink, smoke weed or gamble any more. I have replaced those with going to group, praying and reading the Bible. I really do feel God working in my life as I am able to support myself selling stuff I find online. Even down to the cardboard boxes I use to pack things in. I have never not been able to go out to the dumpsters within a block or so and find what I need. Jesus is in my life, I can feel him. I just need to let go of whatever is holding me back and let him in fully. I want to be 100%. I want to be new. I need to be new. What an idiot if I go back to the old patterns. Seriously, how did I make all that money and waste it away? How could I marry 3 wonderful women and get them all to divorce me? I am selfish.
That really is the bottom line. I am selfish and that is really what I need to quit. But you have to start somewhere. Oh and I totally blew it on quitting chewing. I gave up fast like I always do. I know I need to quit and I will, but not now. I know God will help when I really ask for it, but for some reason I hold on to that stupid vice. Being selfish. I feel like when I work hard I should get to sit down, watch a movie and have a chew. What a waste. But one step at a time. Right now I really feel like the thing I need to focus on is reading the Bible and getting into my relationship with Jesus and getting past these feeling of holding back. What am I holding back from? The old ways didn't work!
Romans 10:9 That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. - NIV
Romans 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind... - NIV
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