Revelation - Fear

18 Days No Alcohol, No Drugs and No Gambling

Wow!  This is really turning into a study journal of the Bible more than an "I quit" journal.  Yes I do get urges especially to get high, but then I start to study the Bible.  The bordom goes away and so does the urge.  Quitting nicotine is going to be hard because I always have a chew in.  That will come soon enough.  But for now, No Alcohol, No Drugs and No Gambling makes me happy.

Revelation 4 - 8 Not going to copy the entire text.  Complex chapters.  I actually broke out a piece of paper to write out the major items to try and get a better picture.  So, I will quote 4:1 and then write down my outline.

Rev 4:1 After this I looked, and there before me was a door standing open in heaven. - NIV

Throne in Heaven
Scroll
Four Living Creatures
a.  Lion
b.  Ox
c.  Man
d.  Eagle
Twenty Four Elders
Seven Lamps
Lamb

Scroll with Seven Seals
1. White Horse - Rider with Bow - Conqueror
2.  Red Horse - Sword - Take Away Peace
3.  Black Horse - Scales - Days Wages Wheat Barley
4.  Pale Horse - Death - Kill 1/4 of Earth
5.  Souls of Slain
6.  Earthquake - Sun Black, Moon Red, Stars Fall
a.  4 Angles
b. 1 more Angel from East to mark 144,000 on forehead

Rev 7:9  After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. - NIV

Rev 7:17 For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water.  And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes. - NIV

7.  Seventh Seal.  Seven Angels. Seven Trumpets and one Angel who hurls fire on the earth.
     1.  Hail, Fire and Blood.
     2.  Sea Turns to Blood.
     3.  Rivers and Springs Bitter (Poison)
     4.  1/3 Sun, 1/3 Moon and 1/3 of Stars turn dark.
     5.  Key to the Abyss releases locusts.  Really cool description of Rev 9:1-11
     6.  4 Angels released 200 million mounted troops to kill 1/3 mankind
          a.  Scroll eaten.  Taste Sweet.  Bitter in stomach.
          b.  2 Witnesses 1.260 days and 3 1/2 days
     7.  God's Temple in Heaven Opened.

After Reading Revelation 4 to 8 I actually felt some fear.  So I looked up how to be saved in this little pamphlet a guy at church gave me and read these passages:

John 3:36  Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will no see life, for God's wrath remains on him. - NIV

John 14:6  Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me."  - NIV

John 14:23  Jesus replied, "If anyone love me, he will obey my teaching.  My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make out home with him." - NIV

How do I apply this to my life?  It's okay to have a little fear and take my spirituality seriously.  There are consequences.  Fear to keep humble.  Fear to keep me working.  Fear to keep me straight.

Fear will not overpower me because I have salvation through Jesus.  I do believe in Jesus.  I do feel a Spirit at times and see him helping me on a daily basis.  I know I can't do this and have it work without Jesus.  I have made more money and lost more money than most people.  I know I could go out and make more money and loose more money again on my own.  But I know that on my own I will go back to the same cycles.  I will work hard, make money, get drunk, get women, get problems and loose it all.  That is my pattern.

By asking Jesus to come into my life I have faith that I will be able to focus on the important things.  Have a relationship with God and have relationships with others.  Real relationships.  Even today, Christmas Eve.  I usually hide on Holidays but my daughter and granddaughter came over today and I really enjoyed my time with them.  My granddaughter is two and it is such a fun age.  She repeats everything you say.  She loves to sing and dance.  She ate like a little piggy the ham and eggs I cooked.  My daughter opened up to me again and we got to hang out like we did when she was working for me.  There was a short time when she just texted me for money and that made me mad.  Today we talked like we used to.  Just being together.  I also called my mom and talked to her on the phone.  I have a long history of keeping my distance from her.  I am trying to step up with that relationship too.

Also at the meeting last night I hung out a bit after it was over and talked to a couple of the guys.  Usually I'm the first one out.  Trying.

A bit frustrated with the dude from the men's group.  We were suppose to get on the phone and pray Thursday night.  I did my part.  I called, got his voice mail.  Left a message.  He hasn't called back.  Feel kinda like a chick but I'm not going to let it turn into drama.  Not sure what to do so I told Jesus that I'm just going to let it be and deal with it when the time is right.  I don't want to make a big deal of it but I don't want to be weak either.  I think it is important that when we commit to a brother to do something that we do it.

Some fear is okay.  Having faith and feeling safe and asking Jesus into my life is better.