Galations
16) So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 19) The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 22) But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. - NIV
2 Peter
For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. - NIV
Afternoons are when I loose it. When the work slows down and I'm starting to think about calling it a day I get the desire to fire one up or go to the bar. It really is easier. It is difficult to come home alone day after day. Yeah 9 days big deal. But I know I need to focus and I trust that by sitting down every day and opening the Bible that I will learn some self-control.
At the laundry, and oh yes that needed to get done!, I had stupid thoughts of smoking and even some thoughts about going up to the young woman on her cell phone who was talking loudly about having 4 FREE tickets to a concert tomorrow night.
Lets face it. It is fun to let go and get drunk or high. I was never an angry drunk. It is social. Gambling is social. Sex is social. Going home to read the Bible isn't social. I do save money. I am learning. I am trying to be disciplined. Reading the Bible does help focus my mind. I can put aside my smart ass comments and sarcasm and focus on more positive things.
It did give me strength today too. Last night I did not sleep much. I crash for a couple hours and then was up for a few hours before finally falling back to sleep. I got up and stayed up. I went about getting the work I needed done, done. There were a couple small hurdles, text offense with ex, and some bad news about a supplier becoming a competitor but I didn't feel the anger and anxiety that I would normally have because I do know that I am putting my trust in God and that things will work out. Strange to type because I wouldn't call myself a Christian yet. I do want to get there.
I was reading on http://www.livingsober.com/ about Jung and James in psychiatry stating that the only way to be free of drugs and alcohol is to have a religious experience. The 12 steps of AA are designed to create that religious experience. I don't have any expertise so just reporting what I read.
I am inspired to read and learn more. In College I took the basic psychology classes and minored in philosophy and this Bible study is bringing back memories. It is exciting to see how the Bible provides guideance on issues that have been around since Socrates that come up because I want to be a better person. And that to me is what this is really about. Yes Drugs and Alcohol can be bad, but the main thing for me is the lack of self-control, self-destruction and self-absorbsion I have that contributed to the bad decisions I've made. The poor way I treated people.
So, for tomorrow I will focus on more self-control. At the end of the afternoon when I start to think about playing in that Friday Poker game or renting a movie and smoking I will focus on making the Friday night meeting.
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