14 December Part II - Romans 7 24, 18-20

7:24-25 What a wretched man I am!  Who will rescue me from this body of death?  Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord! - New International Version

7:18 I know I am rotten through and through so far as my old sinful nature is concerned. No matter which way I turn, I can't make myself do right.  I want to, but I cant. - New Living Translation

Bible Study.  Paul was in prison.  So, he had to write to the Churches instead of visiting them.  This created the letters which make up some of the New Testiment.  I just learned this. 

Earlier today all I wanted to do was get high and watch sci-fi.  Tonight I'm sitting at my desk with 2 Bibles and digging into this piece of Romans that I heard at church tonight. 

I like verse 24 because it is passionate, dramatic and poetic. 

The New Living Translation of 7:18 reads easier for me.  I like this line because I feel this way at times.  Not in the same context but I try things and they don't work out.  I try to quit something and I go back to it.  Alcohol, Drugs and Gambling...only 8 days.  I know I should do something but I don't. 

The Bible has people struggling with issues and can show us how they dealt with it.  I am going to use the Bible as a guide.  I am going to study the Bible.  Not having a mentor, father or guide in my life hasn't stopped me from doing things.  Action is my game baby.  Now I am older and am going to do things differently to try to not repeat my success/tear down patterns. 

My biggest struggle is compulsive behavior.  I don't go out to get "a" beer.  I go out to get drunk.  I smoke to get high and exist inside a movie, event or experience.  I gamble because I escape to living in the moment of turning over the next card or determining if that guy is going to call, fold or show the nuts.  Sales I lived for turning a cold call into a signed contract. 

Action isn't necessarily bad but I need to learn to drive my actions consistently in the right direction.  I really think this Bible study is going to help me with that.  I am tired of being self-destructive.