O Lord, I call to you; come quickly to me. Hear my voice when I call to you...Let not my heart be drawn to what is evil, to take part in wicked deeds...
Made the meeting. My sins are Alcohol, Weed, Gambling, Taxes and Chew. Even when I'm Sobor I am Compulsive, Defiant, Angry and so defiant I am willing to be self destructive. I will live broke to keep others from taking the money I make.
I need to change. Sober and an Ass to Drunk & Fun, High and Loving or Gambling and Fun. Halucinating and Creative. Sober & Self-destructive and Angry. I do not like who I am.
Torn between trying to do the right thing and using people and situations to get what I want.
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Compulsive and rationalizing. Went to Vegas last week to "look for stuff to sell" Gambled and Drank.
I need God, Jesus, New Friends who won't tell me to live the dream of gambling, drinking, weed is okay.
Heard about turning away from the old life and starting something new in Jesus. That's what I'm going to try to do. Don't get me wrong, living broke never meant not working hard to me. To me it meant getting stupid job and working hard for low wages.
I still don't want to sell stuff because I really want to do the right thing for others and still don't trust myself. Also, hate authority and want to work for myself.
Have hope...grabbed sand paper and wood fill finally to finish two poker tables in my closet to sell. Keep busy instead of being impulsive and heading out of town again.
Got part-time job working in my apartment building once a week and when it snows. Committed to staying in town.
Bible Text is New International Version.
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