From then on, Jesus began to preach, "Turn from your sins and turn to God, Because the Kingdom of Heaven is near." - New Living Translation
From that time on Jesus began to preach, "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near." - NIV
From that time Jesus began to preach and to say, "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand." - NKJV
Acts 26:20 ...I preached that they should repent and turn to God and prove their repentance by their deeds. - NIV
Revelation 3:19-20 Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him and he with me. - NIV
I have questions about Christianity and the Bible. Like today at Church. Why would Jesus speak to the unrightious undead during the resurection if there is no hope of them changing their ways? Why is there Hell? It must hurt God to know that some of his children will be punished forever. Eternity is a massive concept. 80 years or so on Earth with no proof of existence of life after death. I mean there are non-christians who live life reaching out and helping others. Will they really burn forever? It seems rather unforgiving and makes me want to ask more questions. So, in the future I will come back to it.
I do believe that Jesus provides me with what I need. I am just now starting to come out after isolating myself for a good two years. My wife and one of her brothers told me she wanted a divorce. I held on for a few months, even tried 8 weeks of counseling. Then I walked away from my business, my partners, my friends, my wife and my kids got in my truck and drove to Vegas where I spent 3 months drinking and gambling every day for 12 or more hours a day. I ran away. I didn't want to face the fact that my 3rd marriage had failed. I didn't want to face that I failed as a husband and father. I regret my cowardice in just shutting down and running away.
My daughter from my first marriage called me when I was in Vegas and told me she was pregnant. Last year in high school, alternative school and she was pregnant and living with a looser. I came back, got a job selling satellite tv for 4 or 5 months, quit that job and played poker online for 6 months. Was good because I could babysit and when the newborn slept I could play. Other than that I sat in my apartment alone and gambled online for 6 months. I got to help my daughter and spend time holding this beautiful baby so not really regrets there, except for the isolation.
Now I am trying to change. I want to learn as much about God and Jesus as I can. I want to get into relationships with the right people. Honestly, I am too weak to be around people who tell me it's okay to play poker for a living and that smoking pot is fine. I want to rebuild with people who are striving in their own lives to live rightiously. I don't want arrogant people who look down on others, but people with self-reflection. I also want to be around happy people. There are so many people out there with sob stories. Me too, but I'm trying to see and celebrate the good everyday. This work is serious and hard, but there is beauty that we should share and smile together.
Back to the point. I'm struggling. I believe Jesus takes care of me because I really do see it daily. I'm not sure I believe everything in the Bible. I mean, how do I know until I ask questions and study it deeper.
Today in church the preacher stated that the foundation of Christian belief is that Jesus died for our sins and was resurrected from the dead. To me to repent is to honestly want to change bad behavior. I did yahoo! this and the 3 sites I read seem to agree.
With the desire to change for me the natural extension is to move towards something better. Take action. So, I study the Bible. Jesus helps me gather what I need to sell online so that I have time, patience and energy left to go to church, meetings and study the bible. I am confident that Jesus is going to help me encounter the right people to start building relationships with. There are my mother, daughter and granddaugher and relating to them in the right way will help enrich our lives.
I guess this is one I'm already working on daily so no tomorrow statement except to "keep on keeping on".
See that's a quote by Will Farrell in Old School. Wicked movie but always makes me laugh. This is hard work, but I want to have fun with it too.
No comments:
Post a Comment